Despite the fact that the Charlie Sheen bandwagon has more or less broken down, spontaneously combusted, had its fire pissed out, and was sold to a scrap metal factory for two buttons and some lint, Comedy Central figured that now was the opportune time to host a roast of Charlie, I’m guessing so that we can all finally hear the five jokes that haven’t been run into the ground about a violent, abusive, drug-addicted nutjob. Below, a few of said jokes gleaned from Access Hollywood:
The 46-year-old actor is the subject of the latest roast, which was taped Saturday night at Sony Studios and will air Sept. 19th on Comedy Central.
“Charlie’s meltdown was so bad, Al Gore’s making a documentary about it,” quipped comedian Jeffrey Ross, who was dressed as Muammar Gaddafi in a military outfit with fringed epaulets and a sash.
“The only time your kids get to see you is in re-runs,” Ross said.
Comedian Jon Lovitz also took a timely swipe at Sheen: “How much (cocaine) can Charlie Sheen do?” he asked. “Enough to kill two and a half men.”
Priceline pitchman Shatner reminded Sheen to “book your next rehab stay through Priceline.com.”
Walsh, who is best known for her roles on Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice, gave standup a shot at the roast. “It’s amazing, despite all those years of abusing your lungs, your kidneys and your liver, the only thing you’ve had removed is your kids,” she said to Sheen.
Anyway, there were a shitload more terrible jokes that I didn’t bother including here, mostly because they all came out of Mike Tyson‘s battered face-hole. Oh, and Steve-O broke his own nose by running into Mike Tyson’s fist again and again because Steve-O realized long ago that he’s basically society’s five-dollar hooker and the only thing he’s ever really been good at is absorbing pain. So all in all, ’twas a classy, sophisticated affair. The kind with monocles and eight-balls I meant HIGH-balls all around.