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Charlie Sheen wrote a poem for crack mayor Rob Ford

Charlie Sheen wrote a poem for crack mayor Rob Ford
November 15, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

Charlie Sheen and Rob Ford

Here’s a fun little fact for you guys: This site is actually based in California, but I’m writing from Toronto, and if you haven’t been paying attention to the news lately … well our mayor, Rob Ford, smokes crack. There’s a video of him smoking crack, and now the police have it, and the entire thing has just been a sh!tshow. Anyway, The Daily Currant wrote a satirical piece yesterday about Charlie Sheen asking Rob Ford to step down. Charlie, apparently not getting the satire that was ABOUT HIM, took to Twitter to write an apology poem for Ford. (Via Gawker.)

dear Mayor Rob Ford,
the only truth or correct reporting in today’s
repulsive story regarding
my alleged comments about you,
is the accurate spelling of your great city.
your personal life is and never would be,
any of my business.
I’m sorry for any grief this may have caused.
if I can be of any assistance
in any capacity in this
media cesspool,
please accept the noble offer of my steady
hand and compassionate heart.
respectfully,
charlie sheen.

First off, thanks but you’re not helping. Second, HUH? Third, I’m not sure if you noticed this, but the mayor of one of the largest cities in North America just revealed that he has serious self-control problems that extend well into his office, a pretty skewed moral compass, and is currently running the city into ground. This is HIS fault.

Oh, and a quick explanation to those of you wondering how exactly the hell we elected this guy: We didn’t really. The thing is, Toronto as you know it isn’t just the downtown core that most of you know. It’s an amalgamation of the city as well as the surrounding suburbs, and as it turns out, Ford tests SUPER well with the suburbs. And since jaded city folk don’t vote as often as the suburbanites, he was able to ride that wave into office even though he publicly admitted to being incompetent at his job. So basically, he can keep smoking crack as long as the rich in the city keep getting tax breaks. That’s not weird at all. And that’s your useless fact of the day! Oh, and consider this a freebie:

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.