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Charlie Sheen, the tiger blood-drinking fighter jet, has returned!

Charlie Sheen, the tiger blood-drinking fighter jet, has returned!
November 6, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

Charlie Sheen

Yesterday, I talked about how Denise Richards announced that she could no longer care for Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller‘s twin boys Bob and Max because they were torturing small animals. EEP. Well, Charlie has apparently gone into protective dad mode, and is now declaring war on Brooke and the Department of Child and Family Services the only way he knows how … with his fire-punching fighter jet wizardry. TMZ reports …

Charlie quotes Martin Sheen in the flick, “I am beyond their timid lying morality, therefore I am beyond caring” — referring to what he considers the tepid actions of DCFS. As we first reported, Brooke’s people are gunning for Charlie for violating the gag order and going on TMZ Live, calling Brooke a “whore” and the world’s worst parent. To that he says, “There is no force, no human, and no scenario in the known universe that will divert my course, my mission in this life.” As for the pictures TMZ posted, showing Bob allegedly before and after a visit with Brooke — where it looks like his face was injured — Charlie says he will stop at nothing to get DCFS to do the right thing: “These crimes against my children will be exposed. These war criminals will be hanged at dusk to a cheering and jeering crowd, gathered together in love in support of all children who are mercilessly discarded like garbage by CPS. Which by the way stands for ‘CAN’T PROTECT SHITE.'”

Oh Brooke, you know you have f**ked up as a parent when even a ranting Charlie can legitimately claim the moral high-ground over you. I have no idea what the exact situation is right now, but judging by Denise’ testimony, Brooke seems to be the bigger problem here, and at least Charlie seems invested enough in his kids to fight for them, even if he’s a bit … much in his rhetoric.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.