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Celebs being dumb at Coachella #1: Lindsay Lohan got drunk?

Celebs being dumb at Coachella #1: Lindsay Lohan got drunk?
April 15, 2014 JEREMY FEIST

Lindsay Lohan

I don’t know much about the history of Coachella, save to say that from its humble roots it’s turned into the biggest collection of hipsters and various other rich and/or famous people pretending to be poor hippies. Oh, and there’s music sometimes. Anyway, it’s also offered us a new ongoing series for the week, which shall heretofore be known as ‘Celebs Being Dumb at Coachella.’ I know, great name. Anyway, in our first episode, we have Lindsay Lohan reportedly getting drunk off her ass on clear liquid. It could be water, but then again, her docu-series on OWN hasn’t exactly filled me with confidence. RadarOnline reports …

“She couldn’t stand up straight and she was frantically chain smoking cigarettes,” the witness said. “In one of her hands she had a plastic cup with a clear liquid in it.”

“The group [of Lohan and her pals were] standing in a small cabana, booth-type thing and one of the friends was making regular trips to the bar. I overheard the friend order four vodka sodas and when he carried them back to the group,” the source said. “He handed one to Lindsay and she started drinking it.

“She didn’t seem to care who saw and none of the group seemed concerned.”

Once again, we come to Lindsay’s major flaw: She’s addicted to negativity in her life. It’s the only explanation. Substance abuse seems to be a byproduct of it, because more than anything, the root of Lindsay’s self-destructive behavior is that she latches on to people who are just f*cking terrible to her and she takes it on the chin. Why? Who knows. Maybe she’s desperately afraid of being alone and figures she might as well hang out with them. Maybe she craves attention and figures this is the easiest way to get it. Regardless, she’s in desperate need of a better circle of friends.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.