But What Does Joe Simpson Think Of Jess’ Pre-Divorce?

Oh fuck me sideways, you know it’s a dull-ass day when you’re running a story about, of all things, what Joe Simpson, the father of washed-up singer Jessica Simpson thinks of his daughter’s impending shotgun wedding of spite. Here’s a hint: HE APPROVES.

“I am so thrilled as a father to see my baby so very happy,” Joe gushed to Access Hollywood at the premiere party for his new VH1 extreme sports reality show, “The X Life,” on Wednesday in Los Angeles. “I have two daughters who are in love with two wonderful guys. I couldn’t be happier as a father.” SOURCE

Immediately after this statement, he then proceeded to pull out a Nick Lachey doll and stabbed a needle into its tiny penis. “I’mma teach you to dee-vorce mah kin, ya’ll! You had yourself a set o’ tig ol’ bitties, and you threw those away! How dare you turn down mah daughter’s double D’s! I’mma kill you, Nick! I’mma kill you!”

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.