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Box Office: Welcome our new raccoon overlords!

Box Office: Welcome our new raccoon overlords!
August 4, 2014 JEREMY FEIST
Guardians of the Galaxy

Guardians of the Galaxy

  • For the first time in a while, I actually went out to see a major Hollywood blockbuster during its opening weekend yesterday. We had to wait in line for like an hour, but still. Worth it. Anyway, BoxOfficeMojo reports that Guardians of the Galaxy took the top spot, surprise surprise, with an opening of $94 Million. It’s also apparently the biggest August opening ever, and you know what? Completely deserved it. Raccoons with machine guns. Worth every penny. Also, it was the first Marvel movie with a post-credits scene that actually made me audibly say “Oh my f*cking gawd.” Seriously, stay through the credits. It’s bonkers.
  • Lucy managed to hold on pretty strong after last week, taking in another $18.2 Million over the past few days. But when it comes to bang-bang-shooty-splosion action movies, the one with the green assassin lady and the angry ent is always going to beat out Scarlett Johansson with drugs in her system.
  • The only other big movie this weekend was Get On Up, the James Brown biopic. Which could have been good, except everyone knows that a biopic released outside of the Oscar bait season probably isn’t going to be all that great. Either way, it score $14 Million.
  • Oh Hercules … it’s not that we don’t love you, but Guardians of the Galaxy also has a muscular former wrestler in its cast. And he was painted blue and red! Next time, paint Dwayne Johnson blue and red, and have him shirtless for the entire movie. But here, have $10.7 Million.
  • Dawn of the Planet of the Apes scored $8.7 Million, because raccoons are now better than monkeys. No contest.