- Transformers: Age of Extinction was the only major release this weekend, and for good reason … long story short, it pretty much obliterated every other movie out there. According to Box Office Mojo, Transformers made $100 Million at the American box office this weekend, an $201 Million around the world. So apparently, audiences everywhere were just waiting for the day where Shia Laboeuf was replaced by a giant robot dinosaur. Guy who gets thrown out of a performance of Cabaret, or GIANT METAL T-REX? You made the right call, planet earth.
- 22 Jump Street was also sequel to a movie based on something from the 80’s that did remarkably well, but did it have a scene where Channing Tatum rides a prehistoric beast made of machine parts? NO. Therefore, America only deigns to give it $15.4 Million this weekend. Next time, think about your life choices, 22 Jump Street.
- How To Train Your Dragon 2 was almost on the right path: It was a well-reviewed movie, it featured dragons that could be ridden, and yet it just missed the mark by not having all the dragons be machines. So it only made $13.1 Million. But good try, guys! You almost did it!
- Well this is awkward … hey, Think Like a Man Too! How’ve you been? Listen, last week was a weird time for us. We were young, and naive, and thought that a movie about Steve Harvey’s regressive opinions of gender and dating were funny. But we’ve moved on. To robots. Riding other robots. Who happen to be dinosaurs. I mean, we’ll still give you $10.4 Million, but I think we should see other movies. It’s not you, it’s us. Actually, no, it’s totally you, you’re a f*cking terrible movie.
- Maleficent also made $8.2 Million. I think the joke peaked with that last entry, so I’m just going to say that Maleficent rocked my tits and you should definitely see it. Preferably in the VIP section of your movie theatre if they have it. They have awesome brownie sundaes in the VIP section.
June 30, 2014