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Box Office: Apes beat out Transformers

Box Office: Apes beat out Transformers
July 14, 2014 JEREMY FEIST
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

  • True story: The other day, I was on a pad thai binge after a day of work, and I’m pretty sure I ate enough to fill a bucket. Literally a bucket of pad thai. I was bloated, aching, and supremely ashamed of myself for not being able to recognize my own personal limitations, and as soon as I got home I hate half a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Coffee Toffee Crunch. I guess what I’m trying to say is that, according to BoxOfficeMojo, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is the Coffee Toffee Crunch of this weekend’s box office, taking in $73 Million even after America spent the past few weeks gorging themselves on a bucket of …
  • Transfomers: Age of Extinction, which will be the bucket of pad thai in my overly drawn-out metaphor. Anyway, it took in another $16.5 Million, which just proves that with enough willpower (or lack thereof) you can always down just a few more curried noodles.
  • I’m not sure what delicious food Tammy would be in all of this, so … I don’t know. Maybe a really good slice of pizza you buy at like 12:30 in the morning after a long night at The Eagle, and also it comes with a side of creamy garlic dipping sauce? Because pizza without creamy garlic dipping sauce is a f*cking tragedy? Anyway, it made $12.9 Million, and has almost tripled its budget over the span of two weekends.
  • Oh, and 22 Jump Street has also tripled its budget after almost five weeks, taking in $6.7 Million. I guess they would be Chipotle? Something immensely popular that’s actually popular for a reason?
  • And finally, How To Train Your Dragon 2. We actually saw it last week, and it was really good. Honestly, it’s a shame more people didn’t go see it, because it was so awesome. This would be like the quiet, hidden little eatery that not many people go to that somehow makes a burger so sumptuous and delicious it would make baby ducks cry rainbow tears.