Justin Bieber is comparing himself to Princess Diana?

Justin Bieber

You know what's sad? This morning, I woke up, found two different Justin Bieber stories, and had to debate which one was dumber and ergo more postable. Ultimately, I skipped Justin trying to mess with a guy's cell phone at Dave & Buster's in lieu of writing about how he got rear-ended by a photographer and is now comparing himself to the late Princess Diana. I guess what I'm trying to say is STOP GIVING ME OPTIONS. At least limit yourself to MORE

Kim Kardashian doesn’t want to be Beyoncé’s buddy anymore?

Kanye West, Beyoncé, Jay-Z, Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian (hell, her entire family really) has always struck me as a person who never really progressed mentally, emotionally, or psychologically past high school. Which would explain why a woman well into her thirties would build her entire life and career around the very nebulous idea of being "popular". Because let's be honest: If you're over the age of thirty, and you still spend this much time worrying about other people being aware of MORE

So the 2014 Emmy Awards were handed out last night …

66th Primetime Emmy Awards

Well, that was anticlimactic. Yes, I actually managed to watch the 66th Primetime Emmy Awards last night hosted by Seth Meyers, and yes, they went off pretty smoothly. But I stick with my initial reaction: There were no real surprises. It was like a repeat performance, watching all the previous winners (Breaking Bad! Modern Family! Jim Parsons, the only saving grace of The Big Bang Theory!) all get yet another win. Anyway, here's the complete MORE

Did Nicki Minaj fake her VMAs wardrobe malfunction?

Nicki Minaj

One of the biggest stories from MTV's VMAs last night, other than "Hey look, Kim Kardashian is still a terrible person!" was Nicki Minaj having herself a wardrobe malfunction after her dress refused to zip and she had to hold the damn thing together for the duration of her performance. In a related story, Nicki wears clothes? Huh–you learn something new every day. Anyway, TMZ is now reporting that the entire thing may have been one big MORE

A PSA for the Kardashians (and others like ‘em!)

Jenners and Kardashians

Hello? Is thing thing on? *Tap tap* Okay good. Now then ... *Clears throat* Get off your f*cking phones. Get off your phones when you're having dinner with friends and family. Get off your phones when you're at a funeral. Get off your phones when you're at work. Get off your phones when you're in a meeting. Get off your phone every time you feel bored. And especially, Kim Kardashian, Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner, get off your f*cking MORE

Box Office: ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’–Summer’s Top Movie!

Guardians of the Galaxy

We have one more week before we're out of August and into September, and while you ponder the slow, unstoppable progression of time and how it slowly steals away our mortality, as a candle burns through wax, we have some good news: According to BoxOfficeMojo, Guardians of the Galaxy is officially the highest-grossing movie of the summer! Take that, existential dread! It climbed back to number one with a $17.6 Million weekend, and it might MORE

‘American Horror Story: Freakshow’ has a (REAL) teaser!

American Horror Story: Freakshow

After being duped by that stupid fake (but admittedly pretty well made) teaser earlier this summer, I finally have an actual teaser for FX's American Horror Story: Freakshow (premiering October 8th)! Which raises many questions: Why does this chicken want me to go to the freakshow? Does this chicken own stock in FX? Wouldn't she taste delicious deep fried and seasoned with a special blend of eleven secret herbs and spices? Either way, I'll be MORE

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are probably getting divorced

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon were a couple I never really understood. Mariah Carey is a singer whose career has spanned 26 years and who is recognized the world over. Nick Cannon was in a movie about high school drum bands, and he'd be lucky to get recognized in a Walgreen's. I don't get it. Well, either way, it looks like they're getting divorced now, and Nick has already been put under a muzzle order. TMZ reports... Nick is barred from MORE

Don’t Miss Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda” video!

Nicki Minaj "Anaconda"

Every summer, there's always one song that I can single out as "the worst". This year, that honor went to Jason Derulo for "Wiggle," a song that makes me grind my teeth into powder. Jason has always been the king of hooks that annoyed me to no end, but "Wiggle" holds a special place in my heart for having a hook that's simultaneously irritating, childish and lecherous. Patton Oswalt has this great bit about how G-rated filth is infinitely MORE

Kim Kardashian made $404K via ‘charity’

Kim Kardashian

A few of you might remember this, but last year, there was a bit of a thing over Kim Kardashian's charitable inclinations. Namely, that she apparently had none. Kim was auctioning off her stuff on eBay and claiming she was giving the proceeds to charity, when in reality she was really only giving about 10%. As in, not even enough to constitute a decent tip. Anyway, RadarOnline dug a little further and found out that Kim's charitable donations MORE

Oh Justin Bieber, what are you being sued for now?

Justin Bieber

You'd figure that after copping two plea deals in the span of a year (hell, in the span of a month even) Justin Bieber might try and lay low for a while. Maybe take up knitting. Needlepoint perhaps? Except no, because he's now being sued again, this time for allegedly orchestrating the beating of a paparazzi. Normally I'd say "just do you!" but the "you!" in question is fundamentally terrible. Be anyone else. Just do anyone other than you! TMZ MORE

Who wants to smell like Jessica Simpson? (The smell of cash!)

jessica

You know who doesn't get enough credit? Jessica Simpson! Let's be honest, when she actually was a singer, she was competing against Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, and ... that didn't go so well for her. But then she landed a reality TV show where she played dumb, and she somehow managed to turn that around into a massive clothing / shoes / accessories brand that earns her millions upon millions of dollars. Seriously, you probably can't MORE

Taylor Swift has decided to “Shake It Off”

Jessica Simpson

All right, full disclosure: While I will occasionally rag on Taylor Swift for some of her dumber moves, I actually really like most of her music. What? She has a good voice and she knows how to write catchy songs. Yes, as much as I like to buff my indie credibility, I will always have a soft spot for fluffy top forty stuff. That being said, Taylor has a new single out (the first cut from her just announced new album, 1989) called "Shake It Off" MORE

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez will make it work this time?

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez

Well, this is happening again, so let's say we humor Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez a little, shall we? All right, here goes ... wow, congratulations you guys! It's so great that you were able to fix all the fundamental problems that made having a meaningful relationship work! And now you're together again! Way to go! I just know this time it's going to work, because you're both such mature adults, and you've really taken the time to examine MORE

Box Office: Turtles, Raccoons, Cops, and old dudes–oh my!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

According to BoxOfficeMojo, America again said "YES!" to seeing a bunch of off-brand Shreks reenact what they think is a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie to the tune of $28.4 Million. To be fair, Cracked posited that the rise of the big flashy-crashy-boom-boom summer blockbusters overseas could be promoting a global unity over shared movie experiences, which could create a more peaceful international existence. Either that or Michael Bay just MORE