Khloé Kardashian took a picture with her ‘Dad’

Because Kris Jenner thinks it’s absolutely hilarious to make a media spectacle out of revealing who Khloé Kardashian‘s real father is (HA! World changing truths!), Kylie Jenner decided it would be hilarious to post a picture of Khloé with her rumored father (Kris’ hairstylist Alex Roldan) on Twitter. Because why not turn another major life event into yet another desperate plea for attention and whore dollars?

@KylieJenner: First official photo of my sister and her dad! Like father like daughter!

Which was immediately followed by:

@KylieJenner: It was a joke everyone! Lol!

“HA! Remember that time we posted a picture of you and your supposed father on the web, and then it turns out he actually was your Dad and we were lying to you the whole time and he was your Dad and we actually made a mockery of the fact that you didn’t actually know who you’re Dad was? HA! Good times, good times … hey, where did you get that knife?” – Kris Jenner’s last words.

Khloé Kardashian and Alex Roldan

St. Vincent’s ‘Cheerleader’ music video

A couple months back, we posted the video for St. Vincent‘s Cruel, which was totally amazing. Well, just to show you that she still has some fire under the hood, here’s her brand new music video for Cheerleader, which is amazing and filled with all kinds of spookiness.

St. Vincent

Adele to Karl Lagerfeld: Suck it!

As some of you might remember, Karl Lagerfeld recently dropped his dainty little pansy shade on Adele by saying that she was “too fat”, because God forbid anyone should ever have to design clothes for anybody other than a human coat-hanger. Anyway, it seems that Karl has decided to try and clarify his statement, while Adele told him in no uncertain terms which parts of her ass he could kiss. From MTV:

Speaking once again to Metro, Lagerfeld issued a statement about his previous comments. “I’d like to say to Adele that I am your biggest admirer. Sometimes when you take a sentence out of the article, it changes the meaning of the thought. What I said was in relation to Lana Del Rey and the sentence has since been taken out of context from how it was originally published,” he said. “I actually prefer Adele, she is my favorite singer and I am a great admirer of her. I lost over 30 kilos over 10 years ago and have kept it off. I know how it feels when the press is mean to you in regards to your appearance. Adele is a beautiful girl. She is the best. And I can’t wait for her next CD.”

Regardless of what Lagerfeld thinks about the Grammy-nominated pop star, in a new interview with People magazine, Adele opens up about her appearance. “I’ve never wanted to look like models on the cover of magazines. I represent the majority of women and I’m very proud of that,” she said, according to the U.K. edition of Marie Claire.

All right, here’s the thing about anorexic, pin-thin models: designers do not design clothes for skinny women because they believe this is a healthy weight or the ideal standard of beauty. They do it because women with no curves to their body make the dresses look better because there’s nothing to take away from the way it hangs. So it really comes down to the idea that they’re designing size zero dresses for the sake of the dresses themselves, rather than the model. Weird how that works. So I really don’t think Karl can accurately say who is and isn’t too fat.

Adele

Katy Perry signed her divorce papers with a smiley face!

Despite some early reports suggesting that their divorce might go ugly, it’s starting to look more and more like Katy Perry and Russell Brand might be separating on good terms. Not only is Russell refusing to gold-dig his ex-wife’s money, but Katy even went ahead and signed her divorce with a smiley face. Awww, kids these days … Us Weekly reports:

Brand will not be receiving spousal support from Perry, despite not having a pre-nuptial agreement. The Firework singer is worth an estimated $70 million, while Brand is valued at $20 million.The former couple owned four properties in California, New York and London, totaling $15 million. The exes also have three cats: Her Kitty Purry, his Morrissey and, Perry once told Us, “together we got Krusty!” Perry signed the court documents with a happy face next to her name — a sure sign that she’s ready to put her 14-month marriage behind her.

Well, more than anything I’m just happy to see people agree that it’s for the best if they end things on amicable terms, rather than turning it into one big bitch-fest of bitchiness. You know when two people split up and they decided to turn it into a battlefield and force their friends to pick sides? Yeah, do the exact opposite of that.

Katy Perry and Russell Brand

Well, Lindsay Lohan looks … not so great

Soooo, Lindsay Lohan was apparently invited to an amfAR event — or maybe she crashed this party too. Who can even tell anymore? — and decided that the best way to raise awareness for AIDS research was by showing up looking like she was dying. Seriously, to anyone who says Lindsay is the picture of perfect health and sensible decisions, I give you Anna Nicole Smith 2.0. RadarOnline reports:

In Hollywood, where so many people want to look young, veteran actress Lindsay Lohan is looking a tad older than her 25 years. The Mean Girls star, sporting bleach blonde locks with bangs, wore a long white dress by Tom Ford and a coat with patches of fur on it at the 2012 amfAR New York Gala at the Cipriani Wall Street.

No, seriously, what the hell is going on here? What exactly does a 25-year-old girl have to do to end up looking like her 50-year-old? Aside from crack, jack, heroine, crystal, tina, angel dust, and vegan pot banana bread. Look, you can pretend that LiLo is doing fine and we’re doing some great disservice to her by pointing at what she’s become and going “Oh, hey, that’s not right”, but who are we kidding, it’d be worse to just nod in agreement and say “Great life choices, Lindsay! Keep doing exactly what you’re doing!”

Lindsay Lohan

Nicole Scherzinger has no regrets!

So last week it was announced that Simon Cowell fired everyone from The X Factor for either being incompetent or British. Now that the customary week has passed, it’s time for Nicole Scherzinger to talk about how she got canned for essentially being completely useless. The Huffington Post reports:

“I loved being a part of my ‘X Factor’ family,” Scherzinger said. “Nothing could obviously prepare me for everything I had to go through, all the emotions and stuff, but I have no regrets.” Mike Darnell, Fox’s president of alternative entertainment, told EW that the first season of “The X Factor” was an “audition act.” With Abdul, Scherzinger and Jones out, that leaves Reid and Cowell the last men standing, but on-air talent won’t be the only changes. “There definitely will be lots of different changes in the show,” Darnell said.

And by “I have no regrets” she means “I probably should not have listened to Paula and actually done my job, but I didn’t, so now America thinks I crushed the dreams of a little girl in front of millions of people.” On the plus side, Nicole can finally go back to her previous job of desperately trying to make her solo career happen, which just seems futile at this point.

Nicole Scherzinger

Snooki and JWoww think The Situation could be gay!

Considering Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino is best known for lifting up his shirt to flash his abs, shopping for designer clothes, and generally just being a pissy queen, it probably shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that there are gay rumors about him. Turns out, his cast members believe them too, because in a new interview with the Huffington Post, his fellow Jersey Shore famewhores Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi and Jenni ‘JWoww’ Farley both went on the record to talk about how they’re pretty sure Mike could be gay. What gave it away? The balls on his chin?

What about Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino? What’s the deal? Gay? Not gay?

Snooki: Do you think he’s gay?

It wouldn’t shock me. Whenever he brings a girl home something always seems to go awry and they don’t end up hooking up.

Snooki: And he gives them men’s clothing to wear.

JWoww: And his posture and the way he holds his cigarettes … everything. Listen, I know I keep talking about my best friend Joey, but his husband was closeted for 27 years of his life. And I knew him before he came out. So because of that I know … the signs.

Snooki: Did you know the whole time that he was gay?

JWoww: Yeah! And it drove me nuts! I’m like, “Be happy with yourself!”

Snooki: Was he like, “No, I’m not”?

JWoww: He had a girlfriend! I was just like, “I would love you more if you could be yourself.” I can’t confirm or deny with Mike, but if he was, it would all make sense.

Say what you will about all this, but part of me thinks that Mike would probably a lot less bitchy and passive-aggressive if he just got a good dickin’ every once in a while. Call me old fashioned, but you wouldn’t believe how quickly people calm down after a good dickin’. Why back on the farm, all the guys used to talk about how they would go home after a long day’s work and simmer down with a hardy ol’ fashioned good dickin’ (not gonna lie, I just wanted to see how many times I could write the phrase “good dickin’” and get away with it).

Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino

This is what Adele sounds like now …

Adele sat down with Anderson Cooper for her first interview since she went in for throat surgery late last year, and surprise! She still sounds really good! Admittedly, her voice is a touch different than when we last heard her speak, but your voice would be a little weird too if doctors shoved a laser down your throat and zapped tumors out of it. Turns out, it’s kind of uncomfortable. This coming weekend make sure to catch her performing live at the Grammys, where she’s bound to score a number of wins for her album 21.

Adele and Anderson Cooper

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