So the Super Bowl was last night …

Beyoncé

Men threw an egg-shaped ball up and down a field a bunch of times until time was up and then someone got shiny metal. AMERICA! Here are all the the little parts that mattered, because like hell am I going to spend energy on this above the bare minimum required:

  • The Baltimore Ravens won 34-31 over the San Francisco 49ers. If that means anything to you, it’s probably because you either won or lost a lot of money on it. Although I do have a hankering for Brendon Ayanbadejo, and the 49ers are full stupid douche a-holes, so I’m okay with this.
  • After the Destiny’s Child reunion was disbanded at the last minute, they ended up performing together during the Super Bowl, which is great for not only the gays who only tuned in for Beyoncé, but for the Illuminati conspiracy nuts who seem to think the world is going to end because of pop music instead of something more realistic like global warming or random happen-stance.
  • After the half-time show, the lights in the stadium went out for half an hour, and- okay, maybe those Illuminati nutbags are on to something. (Just kidding! No, they’re absolutely not.)
  • People were tricked into caring about commercials after every advertising agency pulled their heads out of their asses and realized people actually care more about entertainment than being talked down to by smarmy ad execs. Also: AMY POEHLER! ERMAHGERD!

Jeremy Feist About Jeremy Feist

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.

Super Fresh Gossip From Around The Web!

Chris Martin Chris Martin just took off his wedding ring ... and looks happier than ever! Bohomoth
Cutie Jared Leto on living in the South: 'We escaped early on ... it's very oppressive' Celebitchy
Drake finds out what the general public really thinks about him thanks to Kimmel! SOW
We've seen Miley Cyrus' nipples for the past 3 months, so is this really that exciting? The Blemish
Lindsay Lohan is partying over at Coachella ... will she be able to stay sober? ICYDK
Kate Winslet is getting annoyed at people wanting her to sign her nude sketch Celebslam
See reverse perspectives of iconic album covers with 'Dark Side Of The Cover' OMG Blog
Is model Kate Upton close to becoming the new Anna Nicole Smith? Hollywood Tuna
What a better way to start the day then some Josh Henderson (Dallas) hotness? Oh La La
Apparently Tori Spelling cannot give her hubby Dean McDermott enough sex! Evil Beet
Wow ... Brooke Mueller somehow got custody of her twin boys back again! Dlisted