Lindsay Lohan is a reputable actress (which is why she’s unemployable)

Lindsay Lohan

Not gonna lie: I just conked out and woke up on the sofa, and like a shining ray of light, the first thing I saw was that Lindsay Lohan is suing Pitbull (the rapper, not the dog breed) because he made a reference to her constantly almost going to jail in one of his songs because, you know, she IS constantly almost going to jail. Thank God she doesn't read this site, otherwise we'd be fucked. Lindsay is pissed, claiming in her lawsuit ... "the MORE

Kim Kardashian’s fake publicity marriage is serious business

Kim Kardashian

I know you're as sick to death about this stupid fucking wedding as I am, but since there's fuck and all going on right now and I got all of zero goddamn sleep last night because I was on a bus from Toronto to Montreal, we're all going to suffer through the dumb harpy's whining together. Anyway, Kim Kardashian has decided for once in her life not to show off her life for the paparazzi and has beefed up the security for her wedding. No, not MORE

Kat Von D is doing great!

Kat Von D and Jesse James

When we last left Kat Von D, she had just broken up with Jesse James and was walking off of talk shows because they talked about the things she specifically asked them to talk about. Well, things haven't really gotten any better or worse for her because her TV show, L.A. Ink has just been canceled and now she's engaged to Jesse. In case you're wondering how she managed to pull both of these off at the same time: New swastika tattoo on the vagina. MORE

Ashton Kutcher made a whoopsie!

Ashton Kutcher

And by whoopsie we mean he might be facing questioning from the FTC because he's a famewhoring douche. Yeah, that kind of whoopsie. Anyway, Details magazine decided to let Ashton Kutcher be their guest editor despite the fact that (a) no one cares what Ashton has to say and (b) no, seriously, fuck Ashton Kutcher. Anyway, he ended up using the gig to pimp out businesses he was invested in, and it turns out doing so without disclosing it first MORE

Video Fix: Childish Gambino’s “Freaks and Geeks”

Donald Glover

Did you know Community's Donald Glover was also a rapper under the name Childish Gambino? Well he is, and his latest track, Freaks and Geeks - an Abed like stream of pop culture references - got a neat little video made up of clips from Community and if this doesn't make you feel all warm and gooey inside, then you are just awful. How are you not watching Community yet? Are you going out of your way to be a terrible person? MORE

The other Tyra got busted!

Tyra Sanchez

If like me and you follow RuPaul's Drag Race religiously, you probably remember season 2 winner Tyra "The Other Tyra" Sanchez (aka James Ross). She was probably one of the most talented queens there, although there were moments where she was definitely one of the most grating contestants (I'm sorry, but the wedding dress challenge? Oy vey ...) So it saddens me that Tyra was arrested this week for ... Oh, are you shitting me?! Marijuana MORE

Anderson Cooper got the giggles!

Anderson Cooper

So apparently sometime during the week, Gerard Depardieu emerged from obscurity ever-so-briefly to pee in the middle of the aisle of an airplane (sidenote: I'll be flying down to Punta Cana this Saturday for a vacation. I'm not gonna lie, I'm tempted to try this. What? Everyone else is doing it!) Anyway, Anderson Cooper decided to make fun of the incident on The Ridiculist, and everyone's favorite sexy silver fox couldn't contain himself and MORE

Gwyneth Paltrow “saved” someone on 9/11

Gwyneth Paltrow

As we near the ten-year anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, we're apparently getting closer and closer to the point where we're allowed to famewhore off one of the most devastating attacks on American soil (Good news, Giuliani!) There's a story going around right now about a woman who is convinced that Gwyneth Paltrow saved her life on 9/11, by ... Actually, not really doing anything. "It was one of those mornings that felt good, you had a little MORE

Kate Winslet started an “Anti-Cosmetic Surgery League”

Kate Winslet

Let me just start off by saying that I really like Kate Winslet. She's an amazing actress (I still consider her acting in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind the best I've ever seen) and she's absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. But now she's going to war against cosmetic surgery, even going so far as saying that she joined with Rachel Weisz and Emma Thompson to form an Anti-Cosmetic Surgery League, complete with the lamest super powers ever. The MORE

Jessica Simpson pulled a Lindsay!

Jessica Simpson goes to Adele concert

One thing I noticed about Lindsay Lohan's Twitter account is that it's being used almost exclusively to tell everyone she wasn't drinking when her complete and total shit-facedness couldn't be any clearer if she were blowing into a breathalyzer two feet in front of your face. Well now Jessica Simpson is jumping on the "let's pretend we weren't drunk!" bandwagon by telling everyone she didn't get totally smashed during an Adele concert. Texas MORE

Here’s Anne Hathaway rapping!

Anne Hathaway

No, seriously, what the shit? I swear to God, Hollywood is literally just fucking with me at this point. Either there's some sort of gas leak in L.A. or I actually have fallen into Earth 2 because here's Anne Hathaway breaking out a full-on rap song on Conan that, I shit you not, has caused my brain to puddle out of my fucking skull. I don't know what's going on, but I do know that grey matter is impossible to scrub out of a carpet. You hear me? MORE

Kevin Federline had a baby!

Kevin Federline & Victoria Price

Okay, so technically Kevin Federline didn't have the baby himself (his girlfriend, Victoria Prince, was the one who pushed it out of her lady flower) but to be fair, I think he was fat enough that you can probably convince someone that he was carrying a fetus around inside of himself. "What? Ha ha! Men can't have bab—Wait, is he wearing a nursing bra? EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A LIE." Kevin Federline's a dad -- for the fifth time! Britney MORE

Elizabeth Banks gets mistaken for Chelsea Handler!

Elizabeth Banks + Chelsea Handler

Despite being a beautiful and talented actress, Elizabeth Banks apparently gets mistaken for Chelsea Handler on a regular basis, which I'm just going to read as "Elizabeth Banks wakes up every morning and pisses in the cornflakes of every man, woman and child in the U.S.". "I was sitting in Toronto and a guy walked up to me and said, 'Oh my god, my girlfriend loves you. She would die if I didn't get your autograph. This is so exciting!'" the Our MORE

Taylor Swift had a wardrobe malfunction!

Taylor Swift

Don't get too excited, it's not like she flashed her tits or anything. Here's what actually happened: During a concert, Taylor Swift came out in her signature sparkly adorable dress, looking prim and proper, and then wandered over a fan that blew her skirt up. Except SURPRISE! She was actually wearing granny panties, so you could pretty much only see fuck and all. Although, in all fairness to the girl, she's onstage for hours and hours a week. I MORE