Anderson Cooper takes on Courtney Stodden!

So today, my perfectly pleasant peach Anderson Cooper and his luscious white locks of love fired back those haters of the voluptuous va-va-voom goddess, Courtney Stodden, after they had the nerve to kick her (and hubby Doug Hutchison) out of a pumpkin patch, even though Mark 4:20 says that he who is without sin must bang a teenager or something. I don't know, thinking like Courtney just makes me hearing the mocking laughter of forgotten demons. MORE

Tila Tequila wants to box Lindsay Lohan?!

Tila Tequila

When we last checked in on famewhore Tila Tequila, she was still irrelevant and didn't quite understand that the world wanted her to die already. And that's still the case, because apparently the useless twat is still here and she wants to box Lindsay Lohan because crackheads punching each other is ratings gold. Dream big, Tila. Dream big. RadarOnline reports: “I’m tiny but mighty! The gloves will probably weigh more than I do, but I’m MORE

Guess why Michael Lohan got arrested?

Michael Lohan

Ah the hell with it, I'm just going to throw this one at you and let you guess what happened. 'Father of the Year' aka Michael Lohan was arrested early this morning according to TMZ. What did he do? A) Wore a mesh shirt in public B) Funneled coke up Lindsay Lohan's nose because she's worth more to him high than sober C) Kicked Kate Major in the vagina again D) Punched a kitten Tampa Police arrested Lindsay Lohan's dad at 1:10AM ET after MORE

Rihanna went on a sex toy shopping spree!

Rihanna

You know what I absolutely goddamn love? When celebrities go out to sex shops and don't act all ashamed about it. It's the reason why Zac Efron went from "weirdly mannequin-like thing" to "actual human being" for me. Anyway, Rihanna, who has never been afraid to get wild and kinky with her fans, stopped by a Parisian sex shop called the Lovestore and ended up dropping $1,500 on sex toys and other assorted sexy items because RiRi is totally MORE

Lindsay Lohan is posing naked for Playboy!

Lindsay Lohan

In news that would have been just absolutely amazing if this were still 2006, Lindsay Lohan is reportedly going to be posing totally naked for Playboy magazine this week, for reportedly close to one million bucks. And remember, this is current day LiLo, which means that you could very well be jacking off to a bag of saline with a bunch of freckles poked on with a red sharpie for about ten minutes before you realize something might be off. Access MORE

Yup, Jessica Simpson is totally pregnant!

Jessica Simpson

After about fifty or so failed guesses, it looks like Jessica Simpson might be, like, REALLY pregnant this time. No, seriously. Actual pregnancy. Which is kinda weird because for the past week she's been holding out for money before she actually announced it, but at this point she couldn't be making this any more obvious if she had the ultrasound pinned to the front of her shirt with a big neon arrow pointing to her uterus. Us Weekly MORE

Jennifer Lopez’s emotional breakdown on stage!

Jennifer Lopez

Remember when Jennifer Lopez split from Marc Anthony? Because she sure does and God help her, there's no way in hell she's going to let you forget it either! Actually, she's going to make sure you don't forget ANY of her break-ups, and will trot them all out in her stage act and then cry about it because sympathy is totally big money these days. From Us Weekly: With thousands of adoring fans looking on, the newly-single mom got emotional MORE

Matt Stone & Trey Parker: Investigated by Scientology!

Matt Stone and Trey Parker

A couple years back, Matt Stone and Trey Parker put together the Trapped in the Closet episode of South Park, which was a pretty damning but ultimately fair portrayal of Scientology, considering their main argument against it is that the purity of one's soul (or whatever you call it given your chosen religion) shouldn't depend on how much money you're willing to pump into your given church. Except the Scientologists threw a huge shitfit and, as MORE

Everything you know about Lindsay Lohan is true!

Lindsay Lohan

Hey, so guess what? You know I, and pretty much everyone else on the web, have been saying that Lindsay Lohan is totally delusional, irresponsible, vindictive, and completely uninsurable? Well, huge shock here, but it turns out she actually IS delusional, irresponsible, vindictive, and uninsurable, according to a brand new report from the New York Post. Man, I bet everyone totally just crapped their pants! And by "everyone", I mean, like, "no MORE

Tyler Perry presents Kim Kardashian’s acting failure!

Kim Kardashian

Despite the fact that her last attempt at screen acting was in Disaster Movie, a film so shitty everyone who watched it ended up getting hepatitis A, Kim Kardashian somehow managed to land a role in an upcoming Tyler Perry movie, probably because she's a Kardashian and Perry will try just about anything to get asses in seats to see Tyler Perry Presents Tyler Perry's Tyler Perry of Tyler Perry starring Tyler Perry. From the Huffington Post: The MORE

Lindsay Lohan’s cupcake delivery … at the morgue!

Lindsay Lohan

Because Lindsay Lohan thinks the court system works under the logic of an eight-year-old, she decided that the best way to handle her community service at the LA county morgue was by bribing them with cupcakes. No, seriously. Of course, she denies ordering the cupcakes, but let's face it: she's pretty much the only person stupid enough to order three dozen cupcakes as a ploy to make nice with the place where dead people are cut up into pieces. MORE

Rob Kardashian thinks his show teaches you stuff!

Rob Kardashian

So remember how Michelle Obama said that she and her husband, Barack Obama, hate Keeping Up with the Kardashians and don't want their two daughters to watch it because it's a shit show where a bunch of no-talent, uninteresting whores yell at each other? Well, Rob Kardashian was on Ellen because why not have the least-known famewhore on the show, where he talked about how people can actually learn so much from watching his opportunistic family do MORE

Will Kim Kardashian occupy Wall Street?

Kim Kardashian

So Occupy Wall Street has been running strong for something like well over a month now, and despite your personal feelings about how the protesters are getting the message across, you can't deny that the message that every person deserves an equal say in matters of representative politics rather than an Animal Farm-style "rich people are more equal than others" just makes more sense. So who better to talk about this than Kim Kardashian, a MORE

Oh joy, Courtney Stodden is meeting with VH1 now!

Courtney Stodden

Remember when 17-year-old child bride / famewhore Courtney Stodden announced that she was getting her own reality TV show, because apparently publicly having sex with older men when you're a teen opens a lot of doors these days? Well, in case you were wondering who would be dumb enough to stick a child prostitute on television, we finally have our answer: VH1. RadarOnline (of course) reports: “I had so much fun at the meeting with VH1 and I MORE