Will and Jada Pinkett Smith suing ‘In Touch’?

Will and Jada

How badly did In Touch shit the bed by reporting that Will and Jada Pinkett Smith are splitting up? Real badly. The two of them are in the process of suing the crap out of the magazine for lying about their divorce, and while I generally enjoy making fun of celebrities, I don't approve of out-right lying about them, so good on 'em. Take those bitches to the cleaners or whatever. “Will and Jada are not splitting and they’ve already got their MORE

Kris Jenner is cheap, probably also a whore!

Kris Jenner

So despite the fact that whore Kim Kardashian is a multi-millionaire with enough whore dollars to build her own Scrooge McDuck money pit, her mother, whore Kris Jenner, decided that she was going to cut as many corners as possible to make sure she didn't have to pay for anything. Which makes sense since weddings are expensive, until you realize that this wasn't so much a wedding as it was a million-dollar TV show about whores. Anyway, Kris MORE

Ha ha! Joe Francis got arrested

Joe Francis

It's Tuesday, which means that Joe Francis did something douchey, treated women like objects and got arrested for it. Anyway, this time around Joe Francis reportedly surrendered to police on three counts of false imprisonment and one count of dissuading a witness from making a report. And while I don't think he's officially been booked on it yet, I'm going to guess, like, a bajillion counts of being a total a-hole. LAPD Sgt. Daryl Martin told MORE

Courtney Stodden is getting a reality show?

Courtney Stodden

See? I wasn't kidding when I said that Courtney Stodden, the SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD WHORE, and Doug Hutchison, the 51-YEAR-OLD MAN WHOSE MARRIAGE TO A MINOR IS IN NO WAY CREEPY, were basically the new Speidi. Because reality TV is, if nothing else, just one huge breeding ground for the absolute worst aspects of humanity, they're both in talks to get their own show and even went on a morning talk show to prove that a 51-year-old sticking his penis in a MORE

Will and Jada Pinkett Smith are NOT splitting up

Will and Jada Smith

Despite the fact that they're pretty much some sort of pre-packaged super family and a divorce would go against their carefully crafted image of the American Dream, reports went around earlier today that Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are separating. Anyway, it turns out that's wrong, and Will Smith is not running off to join the Scientology "it's-not-gay-if-our-balls-aren't-touching" club. In Touch Weekly is reporting that Will Smith and MORE

Ok Go teams up with The Muppets!

The Muppets Green Album

With the release of The Muppets movie coming up, a bunch of artists joined up to cover songs made famous on The Muppets Show. The first track being released off of The Green Album is a cover of The Muppets Theme Song performed by Ok Go, and yes, it is absolutely magical. BEHOLD MORTALS! MORE

January Jones is kind of a total bitch!

January Jones

Oh, what's that? Is that the sound of vindication? Why yes, yes it is! Look, I'll admit I've never been the biggest fan of January Jones - mostly because she's a shitty actress and she always comes across as kind of a bitch during her interviews - but at last, I have proof out of the mouths of babes: Jared Gilmore, the kid who used to play her son on Mad Men, pretty much called her out for being a frigid shrew bitch when the rest of the cast was MORE

Jennifer Garner is preggers!

Jennifer Garner

Because putting babies in themselves is like the new Pilates in Hollywood, Jennifer Garner just announced that she and Ben Affleck are expecting a baby. Actress Jennifer Garner is pregnant, the couple confirm to the Associated Press. This will the be the third child for the Arthur actress, 39, and her husband of five years, Ben Affleck, 39. (The couple welcomed daughter Violet in December 2005; Seraphina was born in January MORE

Everyone remembered Kim Kardashian is a whore!

Kim Kardashian

Remember how yesterday, I took time out from my busy, busy schedule of vacation time to remind you all that Kim Kardashian is a whore? And that she's only famous because she has a sex tape? Well, clearly you guys took that reminder to heart because over the weekend, the site for Kim's sex tape got over 2 million views as everyone remembered that America's version of the royal family is actually just a bunch of wookie prostitutes. TMZ has MORE

Chely Wright got real married!

Chely Wright and Lauren Blitzer

So while a certain Armenian whore was getting fake married for a reality TV show, country music star Chely Wright went and got herself married to her girlfriend, Lauren Blitzer, in a beautiful, private ceremony that wasn't put on for the sole purpose of turning into a whorish TV special. Two beautiful brides! When country singer Chely Wright said "I do" to Lauren Blitzer on Saturday, both ladies wore white wedding dresses. Blitzer, a MORE

Crystal Harris wants her own reality show!

Crystal Harris

Oh look, more whores being whorey! Yeah, apparently this is going to be the theme of the day. Anyway, months after she called off her own fake wedding because no amount of money is worth having 85-year-old balls in your mouth every day, Crystal Harris has decided that she's interesting enough to warrant her own TV show despite the fact that useless blonde whores are literally a dime a dozen. No, seriously, I picked up three dozen at the farmer's MORE

In case you forgot: Kim Kardashian is a whore!

Kim Kardashian

I'm not going to write about Kim Kardashian's wedding to Kris Humphries (save for this sentence ... are we meta yet?) because I don't want to give the whore attention for the wedding she had solely for the sake of receiving attention rather than love. Also, fuck that skank. That being said, I will write about how Joel McHale is reveling in how much the entire Kardashian family hates him for constantly calling them whores (because they are. They MORE

Hilary Duff got fired for being preggers?

Hilary Duff

I am by no means a legal expert when it comes to pregnancy laws or maternity/paternity laws, but I think that generally speaking, it's illegal to fire someone for being pregnant. I'm guessing here. Anyway, it turns out that Hilary Duff ended up getting shitcanned from the reboot of Bonnie & Clyde for getting herself knocked up. I mean in all fairness, it's really hard to rob banks when you're preggers and I don't think they make bulletproof MORE

Listen: Lana Del Rey’s ‘Diet Mtn Dew’

Lana Del Rey

Question: How long has it been since we posted a clip of Lana Del Rey's sweet, sweet voice? Answer: TOO LONG. So here's Lana's smoking, sultry, trip-hop single, Diet Mtn Dew to tide you over for the weekend! MORE