Former porn star Sasha Grey read to kids at school!

Sasha Grey

Because childhood is an integral time to make sure that kids know celebrities are just like normal people, only prettier and more important, Emerson Elementary School in Compton decided to invite a celebrity in to read to the kids. Yay! Except it turns out that celebrity was porn star-turned-Entourage star Sasha Grey, which I'm sure no one had a problem wi - oh, wait, no, now the parents are pissed and the school is denying the whole affair, MORE

Ashton Kutcher quit Twitter!

Ashton Kutcher

So after this morning's little incident where Ashton Kutcher somehow kinda ignored the whole "Joe Paterno enabled a child molester and got fired for it" and then wondered why anyone would fire such a great coach, Ashton announced on his blog that he's decided that since Googling shit takes too long and research hurts his brain parts, he's taking his ball and going home and now no one will be able to read his pretentious, self-important tweets MORE

Snooki claims she’s not an alcoholic!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

In today's ironic new story, Jersey Shore famewhore Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi told Parade that even though nearly every picture of her, not to mention every video clip, news story, stone-carved image and any other visual medium used to show Snooki always displays her drunk off her ass or in the process of getting drunk off her ass, she wants you all to know that she's not an alcoholic. She just drinks all the time to the point where her life MORE

Joel McHale makes coffee sexy!

Joel McHale

Because not everything today is about how football is somehow more important than making sure kids aren't being raped by adults, here's hottie Joel McHale drumming up anticipation for People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive issue, wherein he makes sexy coffee while shirtless with the rest of the Community cast, who are ... a little less sexy. Except for Donald Glover. He is of equal or greater sexiness than Joel! MORE

Presented without comment: Glee’s Rumour Has It / Someone Like You!

Glee

Okay, maybe just one little word: GATDAYUM. The all-girls show choir, The Troubletones, will go against the New Directions in a friendly competition in the all-new “Mash Off” episode airing Tuesday, Nov. 15th (8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. Check out The Troubletones’ debut performance, a mashup of Adele’s Rumour Has It and Someone Like You from her album 21 (the biggest selling album in the world this year) above. The performance MORE

Ashton Kutcher tries, and fails, to defend Joe Paterno

Ashton Kutcher

We've kind of been avoiding the whole "Joe Pantero and a bunch of other assholes at Penn State enabled a child molester because WHO'S READY FOR SOME FOOOOOOOTBAAAAAAAAALL?!" Mostly because we could not give two shits about football if you loaded us up with fiber and punched us in the rectum. Also because we're more about stupid celebrities, not child molesters. So here's Ashton Kutcher opening the door to child molestation (that came out right) MORE

The only celebs Lindsay Lohan hangs out with are dead!

Lindsay Lohan

Oddly enough, Lindsay Lohan is still "working" at the morgue she was transplanted into even though she's immune to being held accountable for her actions. Oh the benefits of being blonde, famous and rich. Anyway, according to TMZ, this might finally her big break because it turns out she'll finally get to spend time with a celebrity without being shunned like the famewhore leper she is. Mostly because it's Heavy D, and unfortunately he's not MORE

Tyler Perry fans want him to ditch Kim Kardashian!

Tyler Perry and Kim Kardashian

A few of you might remember that back before Kim Kardashian filed for divorce, Tyler Perry decided to stunt cast her in his upcoming film Marriage Counselor. Unfortunately, once you remember that Tyler's audience mainly consists of black christian people and that Kim Kardashian is famous for getting peed on for a sex tape and then taking a giant shit on marriage, you'd figure that it would only be a matter of time before his audience threatens to MORE

Eddie Murphy also quit the Oscars!

Eddie Murphy

Completely validating my theory that Brett Ratner and Eddie Murphy were chosen to put together the Oscars because someone was drunk and/or high at 2AM and needed a way to laugh and feel rich at the same time, Eddie has also quit hosting the Oscars in a press release straight from the AMPAS right after Brett was fired/given the boot, whichever version of the story you want to believe. Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences President Tom MORE

Khloe Kardashian hates Kim and her mother!

Khloé and Kim Kardashian

To be honest, Khloé Kardashian was always my favorite of the family, which I guess isn't really saying much because the rest of her family aren't exactly saints, but you could always tell that Khloé was only doing the whole "famewhore" thing because her mother wanted her too. Anyway, following Kim Kardashian's big fake divorce, Khloé is rumored to be furious with Kim and momager Kris Jenner, saying that they're both fakes and that she doesn't MORE

Tina Fey vs. The Real Housewives

Tina Fey

Like most people who enjoy watching a bunch of useless whores implode, Tina Fey is a fan of The Real Housewives, going so far as to lampoon the show during an episode of 30 Rock from last season. In a new interview on Rock Center with Brian Williams (I seriously did not know that was a show) Tina revealed that she only watches the NYC and Beverly Hills casts because everyone else in the other versions look like melted cheese poured over trash MORE

R.I.P. Heavy D

Heavy D

Just in case you weren't on the Internet yesterday, Heavy D (aka Dwight Arrington Myers) died after suffering an asthma attack. He was only 44 years old. TMZ reports: Law enforcement tell TMZ ... Heavy D had just returned from shopping and walked up some stairs when he began having trouble breathing. Adam Mills, a designer who was in the building and knew Heavy D, found him leaning against a railing and clearly in distress. Adam tells us he MORE

Mariah Yeater wanted her Bieber money out of court!

Mariah Yeater

I didn't know you could get a doctorate in tackling famewhores, but apparently Dr. Drew Pinsky has one, because during an appearance on his show this week, Mariah Yeater's lawyer discussed how they originally wanted to squeeze the money out of Justin Bieber out of court, except now they're all heading to court and you can literally hear Mariah shitting herself in the distance. RadarOnline reports: Yeater’s team hoped to settle the case MORE

Brett Ratner quit the Oscars!

Brett Ratner

So a couple weeks ago, director Brett Ratner was pegged as the producer of the Academy Awards, which is weird because I thought they usually only gave jobs like that to people who don't suck at making movies. Anyway, after a week wherein he lied about screwing actress Olivia Munn and then said that rehearsal was for fags, TMZ is saying that Brett decided now might be a good time to duck out and quit before he ends up completely unemployable. MORE