Courtney Stodden: Banned from Facebook!

In the one and only intelligent decision Facebook has ever made, teen bride famewhore Courtney Stodden was permanently banned from Facebook for "inappropriate sexual content", which is fancy legalese code for "stop posting your weird, sick, child porn all over the site, you teenage prostitute." So of course, Courtney thinks they're just kicking her off because they're just jealous of her beauty. The beauty she paid thousands of dollars for. From MORE

Kim Kardashian’s marriage will last forever!

Kim Kardashian

... and by "forever", I mean "about four months, tops". Anyway, on Kim's Fairytale Wedding (which really should have been called Slutty Assbeast Shrieks Like A Demonic Harpy For Four Hours, but I guess that's why I'm not an E! Executive) Kris Humphries farts in Kim Kardashian's face, and then they get into a fight because Kim doesn't want to change her last name to Humphries because being a Kardashian is a major business, rather than a family. Us MORE

Scarlett Johansson’s email hacker got arrested!

Scarlett Johansson

So remember those pictures of Scarlett Johansson's boobs and butt that hit the web a month or so back? Because we need to keep bringing in those Google page views. Anyway, it turns out the guy who hacked Scarlett's email, as well as Vanessa Hudgens' because boobs is boobs even if the woman they're connected to is a terrible actress, has been arrested by the FBI, which means our long, national nightmare is finally over. TMZ reports: Law MORE

Beyoncé addresses those fake baby bump rumors

Beyoncé

Remember how Beyoncé's stomach did that weird, caving-in-on-itself thing when she visited the set of an Australian talk show over the weekend? Well, B's people have decided to address the rumors by calling them bullshit (smart!) and then offering absolutely no explanation as to why in the hell her stomach did that weird foldy thing (less smart!). TMZ reports on the shot down conspiracy theory: Sorry Internet conspiracy theorists, Beyoncé's rep MORE

Kanye West attended #OccupyWallStreet

Kanye West and Russell Simmons

Despite the fact that the media has generally ignored #OccupyWallStreet, save for whenever anyone gets arrested and/or maced because old people just love hearing about that shit, Kanye West showed up to the event with Russell Simmons, which raises the question: if Kanye does something and no one is around to report it, does it even make a sound? From Rolling Stone: Kanye West, the rapper who has embraced wealth and luxury to often absurd MORE

Sara Leal: My affair with Ashton Kutcher

Sara Leal - Us Weekly

You all knew this was coming right? Random chick (played by Sara Leal) bangs douchey male celebrity (Ashton Kutcher) and sells the story to a tabloid (Us Weekly)? It's a very circle of life sorta deal. Anyway, Sara's latest dig into that sweet, sweet pile of Gold known as celebrity mistressdom has landed her a cover story with Us Weekly, wherein she talks about how she banged Ashton on his anniversary and how it was so sweet and romantic and not MORE

Hugh Jackman peed himself onstage!

Hugh Jackman

Yup, that's about all that needs to be said about this. OH! And Hugh Jackman was dressed up as Gaston from Beauty and the Beast, because all that show was really missing was a scene where a Tom of Finland-esque man urinates on himself. Aaaaaaaaaand scene. From Us Weekly: "The first show I ever did, singing and dancing, was Beauty and the Beast. I was playing Gaston," Jackman, 42, tells Rachael Ray in an interview airing Friday. "Gaston has red MORE

Lana Del Rey’s ‘Video Games EP’ – out now!

Lana Del Rey

What? It's not product placement if we like it, okay? And we freakin' LOVE Lana Del Rey here, so we have no qualms in pimping out her brand new EP, Video Games, which was just released today! If you haven't already heard the incredibly haunting single of the same name (plus the accompanying b-side, Blue Jeans) then go check it out on iTunes right now. And just because we fucking love you, here's a brand new video of Lana performing for the first MORE

Beyoncé’s baby bump is fake?!

Beyoncé

Because there is nothing more important than the birth of Beyoncé and Jay-Z's first baby, people are totally freaking the crap out over new video of her baby bump getting all weird and folded-in (memory foam perhaps?) during the taping of a recent interview on Australia's Sunday Night, going so far as to say that she's not actually pregnant (and using a surrogate to preserve her body) and this is all some sort of big ruse. First off: famewhore MORE

Cher showed up to ‘Dancing with the Stars’

Cher

Good news everyone! Remember how last week Cher promised that if her son Chaz Bono made it through to the next round, she would show up to the next episode of Dancing with the Stars? Well after giving Kristin Cavallari das boot (side note: HA!) Cher made good on her promise and showed up to cheer on Chaz, which probably marks the first time an actual star was on the show. I know, I'm surprised too. The Huffington Post reports: But Cher did get MORE

Johnny Depp fall down go boom!

Johnny Depp

So after last week's little "being rich and beloved despite doing less work than most people equals rape" comments, Johnny Depp ended up getting followed by some paparazzi in Hollywood, which must have really sucked because he left his rape whistle at home. (This is why I keep mine attached to my house keys.) Anyway, some guy who I assume to be in Johnny's entourage decided to protect him from the evil, evil cameras by bear hugging him into the MORE

Demi + Not tweeting Ashton = DIVORCE!

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore

Because the media can't resist a good low-hanging fruit, Ashton Kutcher (who is a low-hanging fruit, but not the one in question) reportedly tweeted Demi Moore to wish her luck on the premiere of her new Lifetime movie - how the mighty have fallen - and she didn't bother tweeting him back, so let's all assume this means divorce, m'kay? Us Weekly reports: The ratings race wasn't lost on 33-year-old Kutcher, who tweeted: "Big night for TV MORE

Kim Kardashian filmed her wedding for fans?

Kim Kardashian

Full disclosure here: I saw the first part of Kim's Fairytale Wedding reality special last night (not of my own volition, mind you: my sixteen-year-old brother is apparently a fan. I have never been more ashamed of him in my entire life.) and it is just ... awful. So damn awful, it hurts. Kim Kardashian is certainly not a naturally charming or interesting person, and all the scripted drama between her and hubby Kris Humphries was boring, MORE

Christina Aguilera looks like hell!

Christina Aguilera

Oh I'm not even going to try and sugarcoat this: Christina Aguilera was at the Michael Jackson tribute concert over the weekend held in London, and made the EXTREMELY unwise decision to try and cram ten pounds of sugar into a five pound bag. I don't care how sweet it is, it does not fit. Anyway, Xtina went onstage wearing fishnets, clown make-up and a raggedy-as-hell busted weave to sing Charlie Chaplin's Smile. Yup, one of the saddest, slowest MORE