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Ashton Kutcher tries, and fails, to defend Joe Paterno

Ashton Kutcher tries, and fails, to defend Joe Paterno
November 10, 2011 JEREMY FEIST
Ashton Kutcher

We’ve kind of been avoiding the whole “Joe Pantero and a bunch of other assholes at Penn State enabled a child molester because WHO’S READY FOR SOME FOOOOOOOTBAAAAAAAAALL?!” Mostly because we could not give two shits about football if you loaded us up with fiber and punched us in the rectum. Also because we’re more about stupid celebrities, not child molesters. So here’s Ashton Kutcher opening the door to child molestation (that came out right) by defending Joe last night because people just love seeing an egg made of leather go back and forth across over a patch of grass. TMZ reports:

Right after Paterno got the chop, Kutcher tweeted, “How do you fire Jo Pa? #insult #noclass as a hawkeye fan I find it in poor taste.” Almost immediately, Kutcher was attacked by people informing the actor about the situation — writing things like, “F**k you. He covered up child rape you sick, geriatric f**k.” Roughly 30 minutes later, Kutcher removed his original tweet — and replaced it with, “Heard Joe was fired, fully recant previous tweet! Didn’t have full story. #admitwhenYoumakemistakes.” He later continued, “This is an insane story, I just heard paterno was fired, getting the rest of the story now… Wow.” He added, “As an advocate in the fight against child sexual exploitation, I could not be more remorseful for all involved in the Penn St. case.”

I know Ashton’s defense is “but I didn’t know!” except that’s kind of bullshit because even I knew about it before he did, thanks in large part to The Superficial‘s pretty righteous coverage of the whole thing. Thankfully, unlike the WAY too many people going “It’s okay to be a sexual criminal if you can play FOOOOOOOTBAAAAAAAAAALL!” I don’t care about football, which means I can say with a perfectly clear conscience that if you somehow think that being able to play a game really well is somehow more important than making sure that grown men don’t ruin the lives of children under the guise of charity work, you are enabling child abuse and feel free to drink all the Drain-O.

Ashton Kutcher