I’ll be honest: I don’t know much about Ariana Grande other than she and MIKA did a pseudo-cover of Wicked‘s “Popular” and Rich Juzwiak called her album Yours Truly, the Pizza Hut of R&B. Mmmmmmm … Pizza Hut. Anyway, I’m sure she’s perfectly sweet and dear. Anyway, in an interview with Complex magazine, Grande told a story about how she visited one of the seven portals to Hell on Earth and ended up being plagued by demons. So that happened.
I felt this sick, overwhelming feeling of negativity over the whole car and we smelled sulfur, which is the sign of a demon, and there was a fly in the car randomly, which is another sign of a demon. I was like, “This is scary, let’s leave.” I rolled down the window before we left and said, “We apologize. We didn’t mean to disrupt your peace.” Then I took a picture and there are three super distinct faces in the picture—they’re faces of textbook demons.
Let’s see the picture.
I deleted it. The next day I tried to send the picture to my manager and it said, “This file can’t be sent, it’s 666 megabytes.” I’m not kidding. I used to have a folder called “Demons” that had pictures with all the screencaps in it, but then weird things started happening to me so I deleted it.
Like all paranormal mysteries, there’s a perfectly logical explanation for this …
Ariana: Hello? Is anyone there?
???: Hissssssssssss … you’ll test well with girls 16-24. My daughters Kendall and Kylie have a show you can guest on.
Ariana: Oh gawd, the demon is back!
???: Would you be willing to perform at my daughter’s wedding? She’s marrying Kanye West. SCREEEEEEEE!
Ariana: Don’t make me get the holy water.
???: How do you feel about getting peed on for a sex tape? SQUAAAAAAAA!!! Just think of the ratings!