Tom Cruise should really consider not talking

Tom Cruise

Earlier today, we reported on how Tom Cruise's lawyers compared Scientology's treatment in the media to Jews during World War II. Well, now he's saying that his job is just as brutal as that of a soldier fighting in Afghanistan. Which kind of begs the question: Does Tom know what a soldier does? Or where Afghanistan is? Or what words mean? TMZ reports ... First, the Middle East -- Tom says his location shoots are just like serving a tour in MORE

Tom Cruise’s lawyers are tying tabloids to Nazi Germany

Tom Cruise

So apparently, Tom Cruise is currently suing Bauer Media for defamation after it printed some pieces he felt were inaccurate. Most of the time this wouldn't really be a story, if it weren't for the fact that this means he has to actually start expressing his world views, which apparently involve tying Bauer Media to Nazi Germany and comparing the treatment of Scientology to how the Jews were treated. RadarOnline reports ... “This relentless MORE

Tom Cruise: Spanked by a drag queen at Matt Damon’s b-day party?

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise, strapping heterosexual man who loves women as much as he loves being 6'4 and not having sex with dudes, went to Matt Damon's birthday party the other night, where he was spanked by a drag queen. But it totally wasn't, like, weird or anything. Just one dude in a dress spanking another dude. On the butt. HAHA! Straight people bein' straight! Page Six reports ... om Cruise and Matt Damon got spankings Saturday night at a naughty MORE

Tom Cruise was auditioning girlfriends?

Tom Cruise

If you still believe that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' marriage was a totally legitimate affair brought about by pure heterosexual love, then leprechauns are real, the space shuttle landing was a hoax meant to trick the lizard people, and all pinatas are alive and feel pain. Anyway, back here in not-crazy-land, Vanity Fair is currently running an expose on Scientology, which involves Tom allegedly auditioning women to be his wife -- which is MORE

Katie Holmes’ interview a day before filing for divorce

Katie Holmes

Every once in a while, the stars line up in such a way that a reporter will get a pretty major scoop and not even know it. Sorta like what happened to a reporter from C Magazine who just so happened to interview Katie Holmes, one day before she filed for divorce from Tom Cruise! That is some super sweet timing no matter how you play it. From WWD: Elle isn’t the only magazine with good timing on its side. C Magazine shot Holmes for its MORE

Tom Cruise is suing Life & Style

Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise

As a result of Katie Holmes having an iron-clad divorce case and also Tom Cruise believing he's Professor Charles Xavier, Katie has full-custody of Suri, while Tom gets weekend visits. Most people would just take this as it is -- regular divorce stuff -- but not Life & Style magazine! Nope, they full on wrote that he abandoned Suri, which ... I don't care how crazy your religion is, that's sort of off-limits. TMZ reports: Attorney Bert MORE

Tom Cruise can control people with his mind?

Tom Cruise

You know, we've made some jokes about Scientology in the past, mostly because we were just so jealous of all the people who believe such a cool religion filled with aliens and explosions. But now there's a report out saying that Tom Cruise has attained one of the highest levels in Scientology and he can now move objects with his mind, astral project, and control animals with his brain. Wow, it must be true, otherwise this would all be hilariously MORE

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise reached an agreement!

Katie Holmes, Suri Cruise and Tom Cruise

Barely a week after Katie Holmes filed for divorce from Tom Cruise in order to keep her daughter Suri Cruise off of Scientology's magical brain-washing/slavery cruise ship bonanza (no homos allowed) it looks like the two have finally reached an agreement. Namely: Katie is taking the kid and running and Tom will continue being delusional. People magazine reports: "The case has been settled and the agreement has been signed. We are thrilled for MORE

Katie Holmes doesn’t care about Tom Cruise’s money

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

By now you probably no most of the story, so for the sake of glossing over it as quickly as possible: Katie Holmes is divorcing Tom Cruise because no self-respecting mother would ever let her infant go away on a magical, unsupervised cult cruise. Caught up? Good. Anyway, that old Hollywood divorce chestnut, the prenup, is coming into play, and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing is airtight and Katie won't be seeing a dime out of Tom. But you MORE

Scientology has Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes divided!

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

When Katie Holmes filed for divorce from Tom Cruise and immediately went for the legal jugular that is "sole custody", everyone immediately assumed that it was because Katie didn't want Tom putting Suri through Scientology's Super Special Fun Time In No Way Brainwashing Cruise where Suri would be taught about the religion. Well, ding ding ding! Congrats on winning gold in the D'uhlympics! Via TMZ: Sea Org, as it is known, is where the highest MORE

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting a divorce!

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

I momentarily considered titling this post "Tom Cruise got rid of his beard," but then I realized it was too on the nose I don't like getting sued HAHA! What a hilarious joke that is completely untrue! (But seriously, first amendment! Parody! Please don't sue us!) Anyway, after five years of marriage, it looks like the couple is filing divorce (on a Friday, before an upcoming national holiday distraction). Or more accurately, Katie Holmes filed MORE

Tom Cruise’s fans are paid actors?

Tom Cruise

You ever come across something that's just soooooooo good, it can't be real? Like unicorns? Or that rumor that Ryan Gosling has two penises and one of them dispenses soft-serve ice cream? Well, here's another one to add to the list: during a recent trip to Mumbai, Tom Cruise was swarmed with a mob of adoring fans because apparently it's still the year 2000. Except it turns out those "fans" were just paid actors and none of them even knew who Tom MORE

First Look: Tom Cruise in ‘Rock of Ages’

Tom Cruise - Rock of Ages

Here's your first look at Tom Cruise rocking out in the upcoming film adaptation (directed by Adam Shankman) of the smash-hit Broadway musical, Rock of Ages. Although I haven't see the show on Broadway, I did see it twice here in Los Angeles before it ended up getting picked up for the great white way, and I thought it was totally fabulous! When I first heard that Tom was starring, I scoffed a bit but based on the just released still below, he MORE

Katie Holmes has friends? Who knew?!

Katie Holmes

Wow! I'm surprised Katie Holmes' hubby Tom Cruise let her have a night out on the town (not looking dazed and confused for once) in NYC with friends! I didn't even realize she had any, I always wonder if she's ever going to break free from Xenu and Tom?! I've been telling girlfriend to run for years now but Katie is probably still under her contractual obligations, so my advice has fallen on deaf ears! The one thing that really does surprise me MORE