Mariah Carey doesn’t know who Kim Kardashian is?

Mariah Carey

Last week, Nick Cannon revealed to the world that he banged Kim Kardashian at some point in his life, which isn't surprising in the least because he's a rapper. That's like the Open Sesame of Kim's noonie-hole. You'd figure that his wife Mariah Carey would be royally pissed about that one, except it turns out she doesn't even know who Kim is. To which I say, what magical alternate reality do you live in, and can you please take me with you? Us MORE

Watch Scarlett Johansson in the trailer for ‘Lucy’

Scarlett Johansson

For some reason, a lot of people seem to be under the impression that a female superhero movie would never work, because people can suspend their disbelief far enough to concede that a radioactive spider bite or magic rings can give people super powers, but not if it happens to women. Anyway, here's the trailer for Scarlett Johansson's latest superhero movie, Luc Besson's Lucy (due out on August 8th), in which she balances out the dearth of lady MORE

James Franco likes ‘em young, apparently

James Franco

J Despite the fact that it's April 3rd (which reminds me OH SH!T it's my younger brother's birthday, I should call him) we're still in that buffer area of stories that could potentially be fake because April Fool's is a stupid fake holiday for buttholes. So take this one with a grain of salt. With that in mind, Gawker is reporting that James Franco reportedly hit on a seventeen-year-old girl over social media, hoooooo boy, does he come across MORE

Jennette McCurdy wants more money!

Jennette McCurdy

For those of you under the age of eighteen, you might know Jennette McCurdy as the bubbly blonde girl on every Nickelodeon show. For those of you in adulthood, you probably know Jennette from her leaked lingerie pics. Oh, the generational gap. How you mystify me. Anyway, the big story today is that Jennette was absent from the 2014 Kids' Choice Awards over the weekend, citing a fall out with Nickelodeon, and now more details have come to light. MORE

Ugh: Farrah Abraham is ‘writing’ erotic fiction

Farrah Abraham

If there are two things I know about Farrah Abraham, is that she writes like she's trying to get revenge on the English language for making a fool of her, and that she has all the raw sex appeal of a colovaginal fistula. (Google that if you dare.) But she's famous, so she's going to get a book deal so that can (ghost)write erotic fiction. Oh gosh, just reading those words is enough to make my genitals scream forever. HollywoodLife reports MORE

Rihanna will never star in a Tyler Perry movie

Rihanna

I have a weird appreciation for Tyler Perry. He's one of the few mainstream directors actually working to make films for African American audiences, but he also makes nothing but those horrible Madea movies. Or he makes a movie starring Kim Kardashian about how any woman who wants more than to be subservient to her man will get AIDS and it'll be her fault. It's one step forward, two steps back kinda thing, although The Boondocks episode they did MORE

Lindsay Lohan: Already burned through her Oprah paycheck?

Lindsay Lohan and Oprah Winfrey

So true story: I've been steadfastly refusing to watch Lindsay Lohan's trainwreck reality TV show on Oprah Winfrey's OWN network, but all the writers on my Second City show have seen it and are dying over what a sh!t show it's become. Honestly, I just can't watch it because it's turned into the "laugh as we give Lindsay every resource to succeed and then watch her fail!" Cringe inducing. Anyway, according to RadarOnline, this may all have been in MORE

Elephants never forget … to attack Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian

So apparently, Kim Kardashian and her swarm of off-shoots are off on a trip through Thailand or something like that to film new episodes for their show. So of course, their first instinct is going to be to take selfies of themselves with anything that even remotely has to do with Thailand, including elephants! Except even elephants know a sh!tty attention whore when they see one, and when Kim tried to get a selfie with one, it apparently attacked MORE

Courtney Stodden is here to desecrate some graves!

Courtney Stodden

Over the weekend, former teen bride Courtney Stodden decided to go out and pose for some sexy Instagram photos in a graveyard, next to the final resting places of Farrah Fawcett, Marilyn Monroe and Eva Gabor. You know, because there's no better way for her to honor dead legendary Hollywood actresses than by using their death to make people look at her massive boobs. Now, I had a hard time coming up with just one joke, so I came up with MORE

Canada will get Taco Bell breakfast when it takes back Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber

To be completely honest, I've only ever had Taco Bell a few times in my life. The BF introduced it to me about a year or so ago, and I can honestly say that whoever invented Fries Supreme is an evil genius. Anyway, apparently the new thing Taco Bell has is breakfast, which is apparently really, really good. Over the weekend, Taco Bell president Brian Niccol did a Reddit AMA to promote the new menu, and when asked if Canada would ever get the MORE

Steve Hirsch vows to return Kris Jenner’s sex tape (if it exists)

Kris Jenner

So far, we've spent the better part of a week discussing Kris Jenner's sex tape, which by the looks of it doesn't actually exist. For all we know, this was just another way for Kris to drum up publicity for all the nothing she does, and if that's the case, congratulations. You made us talk about how much we dislike you for another week. Mission accomplished, honey-buns. Anyway, now Vivid Video's head honcho Steve Hirsch is swearing that if such a MORE

Tori Amos debuts new single “Trouble’s Lament”

Tori Amos "Trouble's Lament"

Finally we have our very first taste of (my goddess) Tori Amos' highly-anticipated upcoming 14th studio album, Unrepentant Geraldines, due out May 13th via Mercury Classics. The lead single is "Trouble's Lament," which upon a couple of repeat listens is definitely growing on me a lot. It for sure has (Americana / folk) shades of previous Tori albums such as Scarlet's Walk, The Beekeeper and American Doll Posse. The initial general concensus among MORE

Sam Smith Previews ‘In The Lonely Hour’ in NYC: Concert Review

Sam Smith

Sam Smith is the best new artist of 2014. Yes, it’s only March and Smith has yet to release an album. But that said, there’s a reason that so many fans are heralding the 21-year-old English singer/songwriter as “the male Adele” across the web. For starters, Smith is the recipient of the BBC’s Sound of 2014 poll and the BRIT Critics’ Choice Award, both of which Adele won in 2008 before collecting her first Grammy a year later. And MORE

Cardiknox dazzled at SXSW

Cardiknox

Cardiknox has been on our radar for quite some time now. They were one of our most anticipated artists to perform during last year’s CMJ. So, it wasn’t strange when we found ourselves standing front-row at Brooklyn’s Knitting Factory when they took the stage back in October. Cardiknox serenaded us with all their glossy snythiness, flooding the intimate venue with lights and infectious melodies reminiscent of 80s synth-pop that would make MORE