Place Your Bets: How long will Kim & Kanye’s marriage last?

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West Wedding Picture

I'll be honest, I debated about which Kim Kardashian and Kanye West wedding story I was going to run with -- since this thing will, without a doubt, churn about two weeks' worth of famewhoring, I limited myself to only one Kimye piece a day. You're welcome I guess? -- and there were more than a few to pick from. I very nearly went with the one about how the other Kardashians ran their brother out of the wedding because he was too fat, but then I MORE

Let’s just get Kim & Kanye’s stupid wedding out of the way …

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

There really isn't any reason why we should be posting today: It's Memorial Day, and even though I'm in Canada, this still kind of applies to me. But still, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's marriage happened in Italy, and we just all have to pretend like this is an important thing that happened instead of the set-up to a fabulously prolonged divorce. Anyway, yeah, they got married. It was presumably a gaudy mess that they will turn into a reality MORE

Ray J wants to give Kim Kardashian sex tape profits for her wedding?

Ray J and Kim Kardashian

Last time Kim Kardashian got (ahem-hem) 'married"' for all of two months, the news of her temporarily wedded bliss was overshadowed by the fact that literally everyone in the world remembered her sex tape and immediately ran off to buy it again. So of course, now that she's getting (ahem-hem) 'married' again, it looks like it's time for another story about Kim's Vivid Video sex tape, as Ray J is gifting her four months of royalties for her MORE

Kim Kardashian had Joan Rivers moved away from her

Joan Rivers

There are a lot of celbs who dislike funny lady Joan Rivers because she routinely reads them to filth. There are a lot of celebs (and people in general) who hate Kim Kardashian because she's a selfish, vapid douche who gained millions of unearned dollars without ever working a day in her life. So naturally, Joan and Kim hate each other too, and Kim had Joan moved away from her during the NBC upfronts, because we live in a world where Kim has that MORE

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West got married?

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian

Real talk: this weekend, I got to see my cousin get married to the love of her life in a beautiful private ceremony that the entire family came together to create. It was lovely event, she was deliriously happy, and everyone had a good time. I bring that up because now that I know what a wedding is actually supposed to look like, I now hate Kris Jenner's "turn every wedding into a reality TV spectacle for fame and money" gambit even more. Which MORE

Kim Kardashian & Kanye West are getting married this week?

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

Later this year, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are going to film their reality TV special where they get married in a French castle or something, because everyone knows that wedding episodes always do insane numbers in the ratings. It's the reason why shows always save them for either sweeps or season finales. Anyway, presumably so that they can squeeze in a full dress rehearsal before filming starts, Kim and Kanye are reportedly going to be MORE

Kim Kardashian is buying all her own Vogue magazine covers

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West / Vogue Magazine

When Kim Kardashian got the cover of Vogue (because of Kanye West, let's be honest) everyone kind of assumed that the issue would bomb because no fashion-savvy person would ever buy anything with Kim on it. Except it turns out the magazine sold decently well, and a big reason for it is that Kim is apparently buying stacks of them for herself. TMZ reports ... Kim Kardashian cannot get enough of herself ... hitting up a newsstand on Tuesday to MORE

Beyoncé still doesn’t want to be friends with Kim Kardashian!

Kim Kardashian and Beyonce

I guess technically, this isn't considered news since Beyoncé has always hated being around Kim Kardashian and that hasn't changed in the slightest, but still, it's just good to hear. Ya know? Anyway, according to RadarOnline, Beyoncé still refuses to be apart of Kim's famewhorin' game after the two of them ran into each other the other day ... An eyewitness to the ladies’ awkward encounter at Dr. Howard Lancer’s Beverly Hills office MORE

Kim Kardashian labeled ‘Political Poison’

Kim Kardashian

We try to stay clear of politics, mostly because we don't want the vitriolic left v. right debate to get in the way of my precious dick jokes. But if there's one thing that people from both sides of the debate can agree upon, it's that Kim Kardashian is terrible. And according to RadarOnline, it's gotten to the point where Kim has been labeled 'political poison' and gets barely a fraction of a percentage of the respect people have for pop star MORE

Kim and Kanye’s wedding already has a slight hitch?

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

Hey, remember Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's reality TV special that also doubles as their wedding? Well, there's just one slight hiccup in their filming / wedding plans: According to RadarOnline, if you want to get married for a reality TV show in France you have to have been living there for at least 40 days prior. Dammit, won't somebody think about the ratings? Radar reviewed the law with the French Embassy in Washington D.C. whom advised: MORE

Mariah Carey doesn’t know who Kim Kardashian is?

Mariah Carey

Last week, Nick Cannon revealed to the world that he banged Kim Kardashian at some point in his life, which isn't surprising in the least because he's a rapper. That's like the Open Sesame of Kim's noonie-hole. You'd figure that his wife Mariah Carey would be royally pissed about that one, except it turns out she doesn't even know who Kim is. To which I say, what magical alternate reality do you live in, and can you please take me with you? Us MORE

Elephants never forget … to attack Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian

So apparently, Kim Kardashian and her swarm of off-shoots are off on a trip through Thailand or something like that to film new episodes for their show. So of course, their first instinct is going to be to take selfies of themselves with anything that even remotely has to do with Thailand, including elephants! Except even elephants know a sh!tty attention whore when they see one, and when Kim tried to get a selfie with one, it apparently attacked MORE

Kim Kardashian is bad at charity!

Kim Kardashian

Last year, it was revealed that Kim Kardashian's Ebay charity auction for the Phillipines was really more like Kim making a gawddamn bank off stupid people and then throwing a couple coins to the less fortunate. This probably shouldn't have been a surprise, since Kim has built a career of being a greedy ass-blister, but everyone still read her the riot-act over it. It also prompted people to take a look at Kim Kardashian's "charity work", and MORE

Kim Kardashian’s baby girl knows why her mom is famous

Kanye West, Kim Kardashian and North West

Hey, remember how Kim Kardashian 'leaked' a sex tape onto the market to promote her show, and then she spent the rest of her career pretending that it was a 'leak' and that Ray J never peed on her? Well, apparently even North West is aware of Kim's sex tape beginnings, because she peed on daddy Kanye West during their Vogue cover shoot. Good callback, kid! Us Weekly reports... One thing the E! star didn't know for sure herself was whether said MORE