Remember when Jennifer Lopez split from Marc Anthony? Because she sure does and God help her, there’s no way in hell she’s going to let you forget it either! Actually, she’s going to make sure you don’t forget ANY of her break-ups, and will trot them all out in her stage act and then cry about it because sympathy is totally big money these days. From Us Weekly:

With thousands of adoring fans looking on, the newly-single mom got emotional during a love song montage that paid tribute to three of her most high-profile romances; with male dancers playing the parts of exes Diddy, Ben Affleck and Marc Anthony, Lopez, 42, teared up during what she called a “trip down memory lane.” Why the waterworks, exactly? “It was the Marc part of the montage which choked her up,” a Lopez source explains to Us Weekly of Anthony, 43. She and the father to her twins Max and Emme, 2, announced the end of their 7-year marriage in July. “She can’t help but feel sad over the loss of a marriage that went on for so long. She’s emotional about the whole thing still.”

Look, I’m not saying that JLo faked the tears, because I’m not about to say that someone faked being upset about a break-up. No one is that heartless. That being said, it’s basically planned sadness. You can’t meticulously plan out your emotions for the sake of maximizing the emotional feedback. Your feelings are not something that can be packaged and distributed like fucking TV dinners. If you’re going to try and play that card, don’t expect me to feel sorry for you.

Famewhore rule number one: If you’re going to announce your split, announce it on Friday as late as possible so that it consumes the entire weekend. Second rule: Once that’s done, immediately start planting stories in the press about how he tried to control you, despite the fact that he’s a skinny nobody and you’re built like a mac truck made of self-importance and egotism. Take it away, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony.

“He would make her feel terrible about herself if she wanted to wear something sexy,” says another source. “He likes her to dress in a demure, ‘wife’ style. He hated the fact that she was a sex symbol.”

“Marc has always been a very dominating husband,” another insider says of the couple, who announced the end of their marriage last Friday. “He wants to control everything Jennifer does.” SOURCE

Know how I know this is bullshit? Because it’s JENNIFER FREAKING LOPEZ. Seriously if anyone, including her twig of a now-ex asked her to so much as stop stepping on their toes, she would have chewed through their Achilles tendon. Although I’m sure Marc Anthony tried to control her in some way, which probably went like this:

Marc: Jennifer, could you cover up already?
Jennifer: DO YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM?! I AM MOTHERFUCKING JENNIFER LOPEZ! I CAN BUY AND SELL YOU ON THE BLACK MARKET JUST FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES. I WILL BURY YOUR ASS, SKELETOR.
Marc: Oh God I’m sorry, please don’t eat me!