Did she look in the mirror? The Khloe Kardashian Edition

See the dude pointing at something in the picture below? He's directing these girls to the nearest mirror ... which (porker) Khloé Kardashian seriously needs to have a look in - I can't stand that zebra print knit dress she's wearing plus those thigh high boots don't do anything for me either! (Sister Kim's dress is equally awful - it's like black and white puked all over the red carpet tonight!) The Kardashian gang might be quite successful as MORE

Please just set yourselves on fire already!

Because absolutely goddamn nothing happened today and making fun of these two assholes fills me with the sort of glee not known to man, Heidi Montag and Flesh-Colured Pedo-Beard (who now that I think about it really needs a new nickname) roasted marshmallows over a fire they made using Heidi's voided fake-divorce papers. The long national nightmare is finally back on. Heidi tells TMZ she was waiting for Spencer to make her his top priority: "All MORE

‘The Situation’ is hung … like a hamster!

I'm sure this must come as some sort of huge shock to all of you, but someone has come forward to say that The Situation has a tiny penis. No way, the guy who feels the need to constantly show off his four abs and give himself a ridiculous nickname might be compensating for something? Get out of town. "I wouldn't even call it a one-night stand, because he only lasted a few minutes," Florida club promoter Melody Eckerson tells Star about their MORE

Please let this be a bad MST3K episode!

It's a slow news day, okay? That's the only reason I'm posting this trailer to Flesh-Coloured Pedo-Beard's fake movie. At least I hope it's fake. God do I ever hope this is fake. Last time I saw a movie this bad, Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot were sitting in the front row riffing on it. Go stick your dick in a shark's mouth, Beardy! To be honest, I'm not really sure what it's about; I had to turn it on mute before I tore my own ears off. Anyway, MORE

Khloé Kardashian should not reproduce!

I'm not sure if you know this, but I hate kids. Like, a lot. If it were at all possible, I would make it so that kids were shipped off to an island until the age of 18. So the idea that Khloé Kardashian is trying to have kids would probably explain why I just threw my laptop across the room and started crying into a bottle of vodka. Why do stupid people keep breeding goddammit?! Khloé Kardashian and Lamar Odom are itching to expand their family MORE

Karissa Shannon really wants you to see her screw!

Now that the Speidi sex tape has officially been classified as 'fake' and 'impossible', Karissa Shannon is doin' it the old fashion way: by 'accidentally' leaking her own sex tape to Vivid Video. And by 'accidentally', we mean she pretty much walked into the building and had a meeting with them on camera. I'm sure I would totally care about if I were straight, but since my gay card is still valid until 2015 (you have to renew it every ten years, MORE

Speidi is together, not dead; Rest of the world weeps

Because you can't actually get a divorce if you're marriage was actually just an elaborate sham for a crappy TV show you put together to extend your fifteen minutes of fame, Heidi Montag and Flesh-Coloured Pedo-Beard have gotten back together! But not really. It's so nice to know that two people can work through their scripted differences to reunite the passion they obviously do not have for each other. LOS ANGELES -- [Name Redacted] says his MORE

That Tequila bitch is a ‘Ho Chi Minh whore’

It's no secret that we're not the biggest fans of That Tequila Bitch here at Popbytes. And by that I mean I regularly ask her to go as far away from society as humanely possible so that we never have to see her fugly little troll-slut face ever again. Which is why it fills me with glee that Nick over at Celebslam called the cock-mongling little prostitute a 'Cheap Saigon Whore', and when she asked for apology, called her a 'Ho Chi Minh Whore'. MORE

Even Costa Rica doesn’t want him …

Welcome to the morning after everyone! I'm still nursing a hangover, and pretty much all of today's stories are from the MTV VMAs from last night, so let's all laugh at Flesh-Colored Pedo-Beard because he was arrested in Costa Rica for felony firearms possession and was effectively banned from the country. Are you kidding me? It's that easy to get rid of that guy? Hmmm ... As we told you earlier, Pratt told us he was busted in Costa Rica for MORE

Heaven help us all: Speidi is still together!

Good news for those of you who like morally bankrupt, reprehensible famewhores: Speidi might be getting back together! I mean, technically they were never broken up to begin with, because the fake divorce they got for their fake marriage was fakedy fake fake fake, but still, Flesh-Coloured Pedo-Beard is working hard to win back Heidi Montag the only way he knows how: with a press release. In an email to the Associated Press, Spencer Pratt, 27, MORE

Khloe is gonna have to turn a lot of tricks!

Ladies and gentlemen, break out your tiniest violins: Khloé Kardashian lost her $850,000 engagement ring from Lamar Odom. You know; the one she got for her fake marriage she staged for her fake reality show? Yeah, that one. Yeah, I feel just soooooo fucking sorry for her too. On the plus side, looks like Lamar gets anal tonight! As she rifles through her jewelry box, her older sis Kim tries to calm her down. "It's got to be here somewhere!" Kim, MORE

Speidi isn’t selling that sex tape anymore

Well, looks like after Vivid Video called them on their bluff, Heidi Montag and Flesh-Coloured Pedo-Beard have backed away from selling the sex tape that never existed ... Oh, wait, I'm sorry, it says here that Heidi 'pulled the kill switch' on it, which she could have done weeks ago if it weren't for the fact that she's a complete famewhore and a colossal fucking dumb ass. Sources close to the couple tell us [Name Redacted]'s rep shot a letter MORE

Speidi’s sex tape isn’t real; The world isn’t ending!

Who fucking called it? Anyway, it looks like Vivid Video is calling Flesh-Coloured Pedo-Beard on is bluff by demanding he show a preview of the supposed sex tapes if he wants his money. The only problem? He's not giving them any sneak peeks. Granted, Karissa Shannon has said that there was a sex tape, but considering that's the only reason you know her name, of course she's saying there's a sex tape. Steven Hirsch tells TMZ he isn't going to down MORE

Snooki’s boyfriend just got denied!

Hey, remember how Snooki's new famewhoring Guido boyfriend Jeff Miranda tried to propose to her on the cover of Trashy Hoes Quarterly so that he could steal her leprechaun gold with his penis? Well, as you might expect, Snooki pretty much cock-blocked him by turning him down in front of, like, the entire goddamn world. Ha ha, no Lucky Charms for you, bitch! Snooki's boyfriend, Jeff Miranda, proposed on the cover of Steppin' Out magazine that hit MORE