Snooki’s boyfriend just got denied!

Hey, remember how Snooki's new famewhoring Guido boyfriend Jeff Miranda tried to propose to her on the cover of Trashy Hoes Quarterly so that he could steal her leprechaun gold with his penis? Well, as you might expect, Snooki pretty much cock-blocked him by turning him down in front of, like, the entire goddamn world. Ha ha, no Lucky Charms for you, bitch! Snooki's boyfriend, Jeff Miranda, proposed on the cover of Steppin' Out magazine that hit MORE

Ah goddammit!!!

No. Fuck and no. To all of this. Karissa Shannon, one of the twins whose only claim to fame is banging a geriatric, has come out saying that there is a sex tape between her and Heidi Montag that was stolen by Flesh-Coloured Pedo-Beard. And then her evil twin showed up at her wedding to tell her she had amnesia! (*Cue dramatic organ music*) "There is a sex tape of me and Heidi," she told ""It's just me and Heidi, that's it." MORE

Heidi Montag wants her old boobies back!

Girls, let this be a lesson to you all: Heidi Montag is desperate to reclaim her position as the head of the slightly-ittier-bitty-tittie-committee, due to severe back pain, ineffectual pain killers, and (I'm assuming here) because she looks like what would happen if Barbie became sentient and started dating a muppet. Just one week after the untimely death of her plastic surgeon, Dr. Frank Ryan, Heidi Montag sat down exclusively with Life & Style MORE

Jenna Jameson to Heidi Montag: *BITCHSLAP!*

Because it's not news when I say it multiple goddamn times, Jenna Jameson, the woman with the most famous vagina in the world, took to Twitter to call Heidi Montag, Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Danielle Staub and Kendra Wilkinson a bunch of lying whores for pretending that their sex tapes oopsy-accidentally made it to the point of commercial distribution. Told ya so. "Why do people do porno tapes, sell them, make boatloads of money, then LIE MORE

Help control the dumb ass population; fix your idiots

Because of fucking course they have one, Flesh-Coloured Pedo-Beard is shopping around a sex tape featuring his inflata-wife, Heidi Montag and one of the twins that was hob-knobbing Hugh Hefner's impotent, geriatric dong. Thankfully, they're all handling this in the most dignified of ways... "Promises you the Citizen Kane of sex tapes. Honestly, Orson Wells makes a guest appearance," Spencer Pratt tweeted over the weekend. "Recommends you wait for MORE

Six months later, it’s still being sold? Who buys this?!

Here's a bit of public relations 'synergy' for you - Kim Kardashian is still hawking her signature scent - which was unveiled back in February - I seriously can't believe people actually buy this crap - yet last time around her pictures were taken at Sephora - now she's at Perfumania (which I think of as the place where fragrances get laid to rest with discount prices but I could be wrong?) and today just happens to be the 5th season premiere of MORE

Cry Me A River: Tila Tequila and her injuries

A very beat up (a few band-aids?! oh please) Tila Tequila goes shopping (with what money?) on Robertson Boulevard in Hollywood, CA on August 19, 2010 where the pint sized attention seeker didn't let her recent Insane Clown Posse related injuries (people threw shit at her! for reals) prevent her from talking to the cameras. (of course it didn't!) PHOTOS | FAME PICTURES MORE

Joe Francis is threatening to sue someone. (Again.)

As someone who performs in gay porn for a living, I literally cringe every time someone brings up Joe Francis. Cringe. Case in point: Mr. Girls Gone Wild is threatening to sue Jerry O'Connell and Weinstein Co. over O'Connell's character in Piranha 3D, which is a parody of Francis himself. Honestly? I'll just let Joe dig his own grave on this one. He tells The Hollywood Reporter, "I believe Mr. O'Connell may lose more than his penis if he and the MORE

Does the world really need Katie Price iPods?!

(Classy lady) Katie Price launches her (slutty) Boutique iPod range at The Worx. Ms. Price wore a (ugly ass) headpiece made out of (shitty looking) iPods. (London, UK | August 20th, 2010) PHOTOS | BAUER GRIFFIN MORE

Speidi is fighting over a book. Really.

Now that Heidi Montag and Flesh-Coloured Pedo-Beard have finally split, Pedo-Beard has decided to write a tell-all book about The Hills and his co-stars and blah blah blah. Anyway, now Heidi is pissed off, and she's threatening to sue him over it. I've never been one for book burning, but really, you'd be better off burning his book for warmth than actually reading it. TMZ has learned ... Heidi Montag is downright furious with [Name Redacted]'s MORE

That tequila bitch got attacked or something

Prepare to hate everyone and everything that ever existed: This weekend, That Tequila Bitch performed at the annual Gathering of the Juggaloes (this is a real thing. Really.) where she was met with cheers and applause and AHAHAHAHA! Just kidding. They threw shit at her and then she bitched about it to TMZ for attention. Who couldn't see that one coming from a mile away? Tila gave TMZ a very detailed account of what happened, saying: "I went MORE

Even Spencer Pratt’s sister hates him!

Because he hadn't gotten to the point where literally every person in the world hates him juuuuuuuuust yet, it appears that Stephanie Pratt, the sister of Flesh-Coloured Pedo-Beard, hasn't talked to him in nearly a year. Yup, it's official: everyone who has ever lived hates Pedo-Beard and wants him to die. You'd think he would have gotten the memo by now ... "In September it will be a year [since we've spoken]," she said Friday at the two- year MORE

spencer pratt is trying to make a movie?

Spencer's Flesh-Coloured Pedo-Beard was recently spotted out at an L.A. strip club, where he spent over $7,500 on strippers in order to cast them in his upcoming lifeguard movie, which I have no doubt will suck more ass than The Human Centipede. Because, you know, all casting directors find their talent in strip club. Did you know Meryl Streep was cast in Kramer vs. Kramer for her pole-dancing skills alone? Totally not true. Spencer Pratt took MORE

that tequila bitch to ruin porn forever!

Because of course she will, That Tequila Bitch is apparently releasing a porn tape with Vivid Video, the people who have "leaked" other celebrities' tapes. The bad news is that porn has pretty much been ruined forever now thanks to her. The good news is that blue movies are still safe, so I'd just like to take this opportunity to tell that poorly-tattooed MySpace hooker-midget to stay off my turf. According to a source with inside information, MORE