Ugh: Farrah Abraham is ‘writing’ erotic fiction

Farrah Abraham

If there are two things I know about Farrah Abraham, is that she writes like she's trying to get revenge on the English language for making a fool of her, and that she has all the raw sex appeal of a colovaginal fistula. (Google that if you dare.) But she's famous, so she's going to get a book deal so that can (ghost)write erotic fiction. Oh gosh, just reading those words is enough to make my genitals scream forever. HollywoodLife reports MORE

Steve Hirsch vows to return Kris Jenner’s sex tape (if it exists)

Kris Jenner

So far, we've spent the better part of a week discussing Kris Jenner's sex tape, which by the looks of it doesn't actually exist. For all we know, this was just another way for Kris to drum up publicity for all the nothing she does, and if that's the case, congratulations. You made us talk about how much we dislike you for another week. Mission accomplished, honey-buns. Anyway, now Vivid Video's head honcho Steve Hirsch is swearing that if such a MORE

Kris Jenner is thinking about posing for Playboy

Kris Jenner

Lately there's been a lot of talk about Kris Jenner having a fake sex tape, because apparently there's a market for cat demons in their late 50's. Who knew? Anyway, I initially wrote it off because there was no way Kris would make a sex tape unless she had a new show to pimp, but now it turns out Kris might be posing for Playboy. Sooooooo, maybe she a new show coming out? Movie? The 58-year-old mum of six, who let's face it, looks pretty foxy MORE

So we’re still pretending Kris Jenner’s sex tape exists?

Kris Jenner

Earlier this week, news got out that Kris Jenner was allegedly being extorted over a 'sex tape.' Except that Kris claimed the tape didn't exist, and I kind of believe her because anyone who saw such a tape would have died in seven days. Now RadarOnline released an interview with the guy who claims to have the tape, and by the sound of it, he doesn't exactly have the clearest endgame in mind here ... “She knew about this sex tape and did not MORE

Khloe Kardashian vs. Joan Rivers … over Kim’s sex tape!

Ray J and Joan Rivers

Considering the fact that the Kardashians wouldn't be jacksh!t to anyone if it hadn't been for Ray J peeing on Kim Kardashian, you'd figure they'd embrace it every chance they get. And yet they don't because these people honest to gawd think they're -- pfft, ha ha ha -- talented! Oh, oh, that's funny, tell another one! Anyway, Joan Rivers made a video mocking Kim's sex tape, and now Khloe Kardashian is mad at her and cancelled an appearance she MORE

Kris Jenner: Threatened with a sex tape that doesn’t exist!

Kris Jenner

So, crazy news story here, but apparently Kris Jenner is beefing up her security detail after someone started threatening her. Here's the weird part though: He's threatening her with a sex tape that doesn't exist. And Kris would know which sex tapes do and do not exist because when Kim Kardashian was first trying to get famous, Kris was the one who fil- I mean, she is a very responsible adult who stays on top of things like this. RadarOnline MORE

Ugh: Farrah Abraham’s “BLOWIN” music video

Farrah Abraham "BLOWIN"

Earlier today, we posted Sia's new song, "Chandelier," which was a stunning track about how people use party culture, attention and vapidity as a cheap substitute for self-actualization. So here's the antithesis of that song: Farrah Abraham's "BLOWIN" (that's how she spells it), a song about how you don't need self-actualization as long as you're kinda famous! YEAH! You do you! MORE

Khloe & Kourtney Kardashian: Robbed by their reality crew?

Khloe & Kourtney Kardashian

So apparently, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian were the victims of theft a few days ago, which I'm sure Kris Jenner immediately recognized as an opportunity for a plot line. Anyway, police have finally nailed down the list of suspects to anyone who was recently in the Kardashian's home and knew the general layout of their pad. So basically, the cameramen, the lighting crew, the hair and makeup people, producers, writers, interns, sound guys... you MORE

Kris Jenner staged Kimye’s engagement for her show

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

In a shocking turn of events, that carefully choreographed, elaborately staged proposal from famewhore Kanye West to famewhore Kim Kardashian? Turns out that may have been put together for the sake of their terrible reality show, as orchestrated by master famewhore Kris Jenner. In Jenner’s declaration to the court, she bragged, ”I played a major role in organizing and running the event.” “As part of this,” she continued, according MORE

Farrah Abraham’s ex called her a bad mother

Farrah Abraham

VH1's Couples Therapy tries to spin itself as a show that helps d-list celebrities change the negative parts of their personality, except so far all the terrible people who went on the show left just as terrible as they started so ... it's not working. Like Farrah Abraham, who thus far hasn't really bettered herself in anyway. But at least in the latest episode, her ex came in and told her she was a bad mother. So that's something. RadarOnline MORE

No one wants to buy Farrah Abraham’s used panties

Farrah Abraham

What's better than one slam against Farrah Abraham? TWO slams against Farrah! So here's a lovely little piece from FishWrapper about Vivid Video trying to rid themselves of Farrah's used underwear, only for the world to collectively go "NOPE." Vivid is putting Farrah's former lingerie up for sale on eBay, and it's because they have a brain, and don't want anything Farrah-related hanging around their warehouses. From Vivid's CEO, Steve Hirsch: MORE

Steve Hirsch finally called out Farrah Abraham

Steve Hirsch and Farrah Abraham

Before releasing her porno (not a sex tape, a porno) Farrah Abraham was looking down the barrel of obscurity, since her only notable career achievements were "having a kid when she was a teenager" and "ruining her kid". But then Steve Hirsch gave her a chance to make some honest money by shooting a porn with Vivid Video, even booking James Deen for her! Naturally, she thanked him by crapping all over him and James. Thankfully, Steve finally had MORE

Farrah Abraham strikes again with her lies!

Farrah Abraham

I'm sure this is going to absolutely blow your mind, but Farrah Abraham opened her bear-trap of a mouth and lies came out. I know, I'm amazed too. This time, Farrah reportedly lied about her fake boyfriend (Brian Dawe) having a mental breakdown, which is why he bailed on her and Couples Therapy. Of course, it could just be that what she planned for them was immoral and no one would ever want to be around her for more than a few seconds, but no. MORE

Khloe Kardashian defends Kendall Jenner’s nipples

Kendall Jenner

Marc Jacobs showed his collection at New York Fashion Week the other day, and one of the models walking his runway was Kendall Jenner. In all fairness, one of the few things a Kardashian is able to do is 'wear clothes' and 'walk around with a blank face,' so this is right up their alley. Except the top Kendall wore was sheer and everyone saw her nipples (really buried the lead, didn't I?) and now Khloe Kardashian is defending her from their MORE