Russell Brand doesn’t want Katy Perry’s money!

So despite the fact that Katy Perry and Russell Brand‘s marriage ended after only 14 months, and was due in large part to the fact that Katy’s parents think Lucky the Leprechaun is the devil and that he can only be defeated by random meaningless jibber-jabber, it seems that the whole divorce thing might be totally amicable after all, with Russell refusing to take any of Katy’s money. Wow, did a Hollywood divorce just end without either party trying to destroy the other with reality TV or racism allegations? SHOCKED. SHOCKED I SAY. TMZ reports:

Informed sources tell TMZ … Russell and Katy did NOT have a prenup. As a result, everything they earned during their 14-month marriage is community property — which means they’re each entitled to 50% of the pot. Katy made $44 million between May, 2010 and May, 2011 — according to Forbes. The couple married in October, 2010, so Russell could have scored a fortune if he exercised his community property rights. But here’s the deal. As one source put it, “This divorce is as amicable as it gets, and Russell was a mensch (Yiddish for a good person).” He doesn’t want Katy’s money. He’s happy to walk away with the money he earned — which is far less than what Katy raked in.

Well, I really have to hand it to the two of them for not turning this into one huge ugly battle. I know a lot of people who seem to think that breakups are some sort of contact sport and that the winner is the one who manages to be the bigger dick to the other, so seeing someone not try and screw someone else over for millions of dollars actually makes me hopeful for humanity. At least until I write about Kim Kardashian‘s divorce next and that tiny ember is snuffed out faster than you can say “piss-soaked whore.”

Russell Brand and Katy Perry

Alec Baldwin isn’t as fat as he used to be!

FitnessBytes with Wes Ferguson

If you watched the SAG Awards this past Sunday, I’m sorry. I don’t know why people torture themselves like that. What a snooze fest, amiright?!? That’s just how I feel about award shows in general (except the Grammys). The SAGs were kind of the same as every other award show ever; boring speeches thanking people I don’t know or care about. But if there was one thing that stood out — it was that Alec Baldwin isn’t as fat as he used to be.

The 30 Rock boss man dropped thirty pounds! That’s pretty major. He says being diagnosed as pre-diabetic was a wake up call and he changed his ways. “I do Pilates and spin, but I don’t do as much yoga as I’d like,” he told Access Hollywood. “When we’re shooting and I can’t work out, I just have to eat less. So I’m very conscious of that. But sugar was the real killer for me — that was the problem.”

Besides obviously leading to weight gain, too much sugar can also:
• Cause headaches, including migraines
• Contribute to premature aging
• Suppress the immune system
• Cause a rapid rise of adrenaline, hyperactivity, anxiety, difficulty concentrating, and crankiness in children
• Weaken eyesight

Put the pixie stick down! For a Hollywood-approved body, cut back the sugar! *W*

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Alec Baldwin

Here’s Dwayne Johnson kissing an adorably tiny dog

It’s a ridiculously slow news day right now, so I’m filling the void with some man-pretty in the form of Dwayne Johnson kissing a super cute chihuahua because it warms the tiny, frozen space where everyone says my heart is supposed to go. I know people are all like “oh but chihuahua’s are yappy, annoying little rat dogs!” but those people are awful. Chihuahuas are tiny bundles of shivering joy and anyone who says otherwise can spread butter on my butt and take a bite.

Dwayne Johnson

Demi Moore and Zac Efron?!

As more and more reports surface claiming that Demi Moore is clinging to extreme youth (by which I mean she really wants to be sixteen apparently) this one about how she tried to initiate a hook-up with Zac Efron might be the least sad at this point, because as everyone knows, banging Zac is way better than sucking nitrous oxide out of an empty can of whipped cream. Us Weekly reports:

“She’s been really down, and she’s surrounding herself with young people to make her feel better,” an insider tells Us of Moore, who’s been obsessed for years with staying young and thin. “She’s been mixing pills and Red Bulls, among other things,” another source says. One of Moore’s favorite young stars to party with — and flirt with — is daughter Rumer Willis’s longtime friend Zac Efron, 24, a hunk nine years younger than Kutcher, 33. A wired, gaunt Moore “tracked down” the High School Musical star at a party in L.A.’s Venice neighborhood, an insider tells Us. “She seemed out of her mind at this party.”

So basically, Ashton Kutcher ruined Demi Moore when he dumped her, because as everyone knows, Ashton ruins everything he touches. He’s like the King Midas of abject failure. Anyway, Demi is apparently so ruined now that she can only feel good about herself by fucking young dudes. Yeah, that sounds right when you remember that Demi lives and works in a place where they would rather cast a blonde whore than a talented actress for any part whatsoever.

Demi Moore and Zac Efron

Channing Tatum loves prosthetic penises!

… is how I’m going to read this next story. Anyway, in a scene from the upcoming movie The Vow, stars Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams had to film a scene where they do it, because hey, they need some way to keep the men occupied. Anyway, Channing decided to liven things up a bit by bringing along a massive prosthetic cock to prank Rachel, and now I’m going to go out for a breather as the Google page views coming in from searching for “Channing Tatum’s cock” will pay my rent for the month. People reports:

“Channing got the props department to make a prosthetic, um, member,” the actress, 33, tells U.K magazine Stella of filming the upcoming movie’s nude scene. “Literally a fake penis. I didn’t know what to do – I thought, ‘Is that the real deal?’ It was very realistic. It was ridiculous, the scale of it!”

Picture it, and you’re welcome. God bless you are your massive, but sadly not real penis, Channing.

Channing Tatum

Joseph Gordon-Levitt does not like hipsters!

So despite the fact that he’s super adorable and he makes movies that are super twee, don’t you dare call Joseph Gordon-Levitt a hipster. Turns out, he’s not really a fan of hipsters – who are, by the way, really just the socially acceptable natural progression of emos. Remember those guys? You’re one of them now. How does that taste? Anyway, during an appearance at Sundance Film Festival, he ripped into hipsters for dressing obnoxiously ironically while not actually doing anything. The results are pretty badass.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Gerard Butler doesn’t who Brandi Glanville is

So a little while ago, Brandi Glanville was all like “hey, I banged Gerard Butler for an entire week!” Because discretion is like kryptonite to socialite whores. So in what is quite possibly one of the best public displays of karma turning around and biting a bitch in the ass, Gerard Butler was questioned by TMZ on the subject, and he can’t for the life of him remember who this blonde skank is. HA! Awesome.

If Gerard Butler really did have mind-blowing sex with Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Brandi Glanville — as she proudly claims — he doesn’t remember it … asking TMZ, “Who’s Brandi Glanville?” In case you didn’t know … Brandi — Eddie Cibrian’s ex-wife — recently appeared on a talk show, announcing she once bumped uglies with Gerard for an entire week … and it was so good, she rated him an 11 out of 10. But either Butler has so much good sex, he can’t remember every bangmates’s name — or Brandi’s lying. Both are equally plausible.

Honestly, this really should not be surprising when you remember that Gerard is both (A) straight, and (B) has a penis. That, and Brandi looks like she’s fresh from the Play-Doh ho mold, so honestly, there’s a chance that he did bang her but he just can’t remember because honestly, even I’m starting to forget who I’m talking about. LeAnn Rimes? Yes, it was probably LeAnn or some other skinny blonde ho.

Gerard Butler and Brandi Glanville

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie want to get married

As some of you might remember, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have refused to get married, saying that they wouldn’t get married until gay marriage was finally passed in the states. But of course, their six kids don’t really understand that because kids usually have a hard time understanding why two people who love each other can’t get married. So now Brad and Angelina are now saying that they’re getting a little antsy to get married. People reports:

“I’m not going to go any further,” says the actor, who has been nominated for a Best Actor Oscar for Moneyball. “[But] it means so much to my kids, and they ask a lot. And it means something to me, too, to make that kind of commitment.” Jolie, too, has addressed the subject of marriage as it relates to the couple’s six children: “They have asked, yeah, because … people get married in the movies,” Jolie told Nightline in an interview that aired last month.

It’s a shame that Brangelina’s kids have to see all these other people getting married while wondering why their parents can’t get married, but think about it: how many kids out there have gay parents and have to wonder every day why their parents can’t get married? America, do the right thing: pass marriage equality so that Brangelina’s super happy shiny brigade of kids can finally watch their parents get married. And also because LGBT people deserve the same rights and respects as anyone else, just like Brangelina.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie

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