I’m not even going to try and pretend like the Grammys are worth more than a frozen dog turd because let’s face it, no one takes the awards seriously anyway, so I’ll just cut to the chase: Adele won everything, Bon Iver picked up a couple well-deserved awards, Amy Winehouse picked one up posthumously, and Chris Brown beat a bunch of people to win an award. Emphasis on the beat because hey, remember how Chris nearly beat a woman to death and left her for dead? Because I remember how Chris nearly beat a woman to death and left her for dead. The Huffington Post reports:

Album of the Year: “21,” Adele

Record of the Year: “Rolling in the Deep,” Adele

Song of the Year: “Rolling in the Deep,” Adele Adkins & Paul Epworth

New Artist: Bon Iver

Pop Solo Performance: “Someone Like You,” Adele

Pop Performance by a Duo or Group: “Body and Soul,” Tony Bennett & Amy Winehouse

Pop Vocal Album: “21,” Adele

Alternative Album: “Bon Iver,” Bon Iver

Rock Song: “Walk,” Foo Fighters

Rock Album: “Wasting Light,” Foo Fighters

Rock Performance: “Walk,” Foo Fighters

Hard Rock/Metal Performance: “White Limo,” Foo Fighters

R&B Album: “F.A.M.E.,” Chris Brown

R&B Song: “Fool For You,” Cee Lo Green, Melanie Hallim & Jack Splash

R&B Performance: “Is This Love,” Corrine Bailey Rae

Traditional R&B Vocal Performance: “Fool For You,” Cee Lo Green & Melanie Fiona

Rap Album: “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy,” Kanye West

Rap Performance: “Otis,” Jay-Z and Kanye West

Rap Song: “All of the Lights,” Jeff Bhasker, Stacy Ferguson, Malik Jones, Warren Trotter & Kanye West

Rap/Sung Collaboration: “All of the Lights,” Kanye West, Rihanna, Kid Cudi & Fergie

Dance Recording: “Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites,” Skrillex

Dance/Electronica Album: “Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites,” Skrillex

Musical Theater Album: “The Book of Mormon,” Robert Lopez, Trey Parker & Matt Stone

World Music Album: “Tassili,” Tinariwen

Latin Pop Rock, Rock or Urban Album: “Drama y Luz,” Mana

Tropical Latin Album: “Last Mambo,” Cachao

Banda or Norteno Album: “Los Tigres Del Norte and Friends,” Los Tigres Del Norte

Regional Mexican or Tejano Album: “Bicentenario,” Pepe Aguilar

Country Solo Performance: “Mean,” Taylor Swift

Country Album: “Own the Night,” Lady Antebellum

Country Performance by a Duo or Group: “Barton Hollow,” The Civil Wars

Country Song: “Mean,” Taylor Swift

Jazz Vocal Album: “The Mosaic Project,” Terri Lyne Carrington & various artists

Jazz Instrumental Album: “Forever,” Corea, Clark & White

Improvised Jazz Solo: “500 Miles High,” Chick Corea

Large Ensemble Jazz Album: “The Good Feeling,” Christian McBride Big Band

Blues Album: “Revelator,” Tedeschi Trucks Band

Folk Album: “Barton Hollow,” The Civil Wars

Pop Instrumental Album: “The Road From Memphis,” Booker T. Jones

Bluegrass Album: “Paper Airplane,” Alison Krauss & Union Station

Americana Album: “Ramble at the Ryman,” Levon Helm

Reggae Album: “Revelation Pt. 1: The Root of Life,” Stephen Marley

New Age Album: “What’s It All About,” Pat Metheny

Children’s Album: “All About Bullies… Big and Small,” various artists

Producer of the Year, Non-Classical: Paul Epworth

Remixed Recording, Non-Classical: “Cinema (Skrillex remix),” Sonny Moore

Gospel Song: “Hello Fear,” Kirk Franklin

Gospel/Contemporary Christian Performance: “Jesus,” L’Andria Johnson

Gospel Album: “Hello Fear,” Kirk Franklin

Choral Performance: “Light & Gold,” Eric Whitacre

Classical Contemporary Composition: “Elmer Gantry,” Robert Aldridge & Herschel Garfein

Producer of the Year, Classical: Judith Sherman

Orchestral Performance: “Brahms: Symphony No. 4,” Gustavo Dudamel

Opera Recording: “Adams: Doctor Atomic,” Alan Gilbert, conductor

Spoken Word Album: “If You Ask Me (And Of Course You Won’t),” Betty White

Comedy Album: “Hilarious,” Louis C.K.

Compilation Soundtrack Album For Visual Media: “Boardwalk Empire,” various artists

Score Soundtrack Album For Visual Media: “The King’s Speech,” Alexandre Desplat

Song Written For Visual Media: “I See the Light,” Alan Menken & Glenn Slater

Historical Album: “Band on the Run (Paul McCartney Archive Collection – Deluxe Edition),” Paul McCartney

Instrumental Arrangement Accompanying Vocalists: “Who Can I Turn To (When Nobody Needs Me),” Jorge Calandrelli

But who are we kidding, all of that matters even less than it usually does because Whitney Houston died, so here’s the most talked about part: Jennifer Hudson performing Whitney’s I Will Always Love You.