All the pregnant ladies, put your hands up!

All the pregnant ladies, put your hands up!
October 20, 2010 JEREMY FEIST

… Hey, it was either that or “If you liked it then you shoulda put your sperm in it”, but there’s only so much I can get away with in the header. Anyway, it’s (almost) official: Beyoncé is pregnant! And uh … Ummmmmm … Fuck, I already used my one Single Ladies joke, didn’t I? Well, what if I said her baby is Destiny’s Child? Oh God you’re right, that is lame. Read the blurb while I drink until I forget how much I suck.

“B was shocked. She loves kids, but she wasn’t ready to be a mother just yet,” says a source of the singer, who married rapper Jay-Z in 2008. “She really wanted to get her album done and tour the world again.” Still, another insider says that the singer, who is in her first trimester, realizes that “this is a gift from God and she’s so happy.” SOURCE

Now, where was I? Oh yes, Beyoncé and Jay-Z. Yeah, they’re just … they’re … FUCK. How is it that you can barely turn on a goddamn radio without hearing one of their songs, yet they’re just so squeaky clean? One of you fuckers needs to run over a baby or something already, because this shit is starting to get ridiculous.