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All T, All Shade: RuPaul’s Big Opening (Part 2)

All T, All Shade: RuPaul’s Big Opening (Part 2)
March 4, 2014 JEREMY FEIST
RuPaul's Drag Race

RuPaul's Drag Race

Last week, I said that RuPaul splitting the season premiere of Drag Race in two would end up paying off in the end, and what do you know? It totally delivered. The second half of the premiere was a huge step-up from last week, partly because it upped the pressure on last night’s queens and partly because this week had much stronger personalities. Anyway, this week the queens had to put together a festive outfit from random crap in a box. Who was the life of the party and who was the turd in the punch bowl?

Bianca Del Rio [Winner]

Did anyone think she wasn’t going to win? The bitch can make a dress in about three and a half minutes, and she can free-hand cut the pieces without a pattern. She was DESTINED to win the first challenge. The other girls were basically competing for silver. Regardless, she set herself apart from the other queens as the clear front-runner with her Luau inspired gown, and she absolutely ruled the confessional segments with her catty humour. She got dinged on her makeup, but I feel like it works with her personality, so I don’t mind if its a little clownish.

Courtney Act [Safe]

Here’s the the thing about Courtney: If she didn’t have as many expectations placed against her as she does, people would have been bowled over by her. She’s got the humor, she’s got the personality, and she’s got the body-ody-ody. But because she’s such a huge celebrity in Australia, I think the judges are grading her on a much higher standard than all the other queens. Her Republican party dress was a bit on the bare side, but I still think she’s going to be a front-runner.

Darienne Lake [Shantay You Stay]

I still don’t see how she was bottom two. I get that the dress wasn’t exactly innovative or anything, and the ruching running down front and back were a tad unfortunate, but it was still a pretty decent showing. And oh my God, her personality is just amazing. Hopefully, her stumbling this early in the competition is just going to lay the groundwork for her to kill it towards the end of the show, ala Raven.

Joslyn Fox [Bottom 3]

I pegged her as someone who was going to play a lot like Jade Jolie in the competition, and what do you know! I was right! Joslyn is very sweet, and she has a lovely, dorky affable charm to her that I love. She’s guileless, and I find that just so endearing. However, her ability to edit is going to need some work. I actually didn’t mind her dress, but it suffered from her layering on piece after piece after piece until the skirt looked liked a peacock tail made out of deflated balloons. Hopefully, she’ll learn to edit downwards, but other than that I think she’s a sweetie.

Magnolia Crawford [Sashay Away]

What a f*cking horrible bitch she was. Okay, let me back up here: As RuPaul’s Drag Race gets bigger and bigger, I think we’re going to start seeing more and more queens who are less interested in actually invested in the competition and more queens who are there for the sake of scoring some name recognition. Which is what Magnolia “I’m here for the exposure” Crawford did. Magnolia is a millenial queen, in that she represents everything wrong with Millenials: The entitlement, the bad attitude, the lack of depth or talent, the all-encompassing narcissism and lack of ambition. It doesn’t matter how horrible you are or how terrible you treat others, as long as someone recognizes you. She didn’t deserve to be on the show, and she doesn’t deserve to do anything special afterwards.

Milk [Runner-Up]

On the flip-side of Magnolia, we have Milk, who represents the good parts of Millenials: Someone who tries new and innovative things, someone who stands out by the strength of their talent, someone willing to take smart calculated risks and who has no problem putting their ass on the line if they believe in what they’re doing. As much as I loved Bianca’s look, I was hoping for Milk to win just because I thought what she did was so ballsy and out there, but regardless, her whispy toga — paired with a goatee —  was really something to get excited about.

Trinity K. Bonet [Safe]

I kinda ruled out Trinity in the lead-up to Drag Race, but her calling out Magnolia on her selfishness and lack of ambition scored her a lot of points in my book. Admittedly, Trinity isn’t bursting with personality, but what she lacks in that department she makes up for in vision and imagination. Taking the princess box and going for a Queen Amidala look was a nice little stroke of creativity, and even though it looked a tad cheap (cardboard neckpiece. ‘Nuff said.) she knew how to sell it, and the overall vision of her look made up for it. She absolutely proved me wrong, and I hope she continues to do so.