As you’ll remember, a couple months ago Ali Lohan left the house looking like she had spent all her food money on botox. And that’s what we all kinda figured happened, because she’s a Lohan, that’s just sort of what they do. Anyway, Ali has finally come forward saying that she never had an eating disorder or plastic surgery. Which sounds almost reasonable until you hear her alibi, at which point you just kind of go “Oh, okay, so she had an eating disorder and plastic surgery. That makes sense.” Via RadarOnline:
“It’s stupid,” Aliana (as she wants to be called) said. “I don’t listen to it. It’s absolutely not true.” Gracing the cover of the New York Post’s Page Six magazine she said she thought it was funny that people said she’s had surgery. “I was cracking up. Because, like, when would I do that? I’m 17 years old.” However, Ali insisted that her mother Dina would never have let her get surgery. “That’s not legal! I would need my mother’s signature, and do you think my mom would ever sign off on that? No!’” Lindsay’s sister said that she looks up to her legally challenged older sibling, but won’t be making her same mistakes. “I’m lucky enough that I had my sister to learn from. I’ve seen people do it to her, so I’ve learned to be like, ‘That’s stupid, no.’”
You know, for a second there, I almost believed her. But then she had to bring up Lindsay Lohan and Dina Lohan. The poor girl never had a chance.
Ali: Mom, can I have a normal job?
Dina: Normal jobs don’t bring the money I need to drink the voices away. Those terrible, terrible voices …
Lindsay: Hey family, look at my vagina! *Flash*
Ali: I am going to get botox until it kills me now.