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WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP

Ah goddammit!!!

Ah goddammit!!!
August 27, 2010 JEREMY FEIST

No. Fuck and no. To all of this. Karissa Shannon, one of the twins whose only claim to fame is banging a geriatric, has come out saying that there is a sex tape between her and Heidi Montag that was stolen by Flesh-Coloured Pedo-Beard. And then her evil twin showed up at her wedding to tell her she had amnesia! (*Cue dramatic organ music*)

“There is a sex tape of me and Heidi,” she told Radaronline.com. “”It’s just me and Heidi, that’s it.” Karissa claims that Spencer does not own the tape because he stole her video camera when he came over to pick up some stuff from Heidi’s house in Malibu. “Spencer had no right to steal my camera,” she said. “There are other things on there that I don’t want to come out, including the video of me and Heidi.” SOURCE

Oh shuuuuuuuuuuuuut uuuuuuuuuuuup. Goddamn it, it’s like a bad soap opera you can’t turn off. The only difference is when characters get to annoying, soap operas kill them off. And we can’t really do that, unless … QUICK! Get each of these people a range rover, a bottle of vodka, and a cell phone with unlimited texting!