WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP
WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP
 

Oh look, a (fake) Adele sex tape!

Oh look, a (fake) Adele sex tape!

Now that Adele has proven that she will go down in history as one of this generation’s best singers (typed without a single trace of irony, thank you very much) and won a bunch of awards and released one of the best-selling albums of the decade, it’s time for the alleged Adele sex tape you knew was coming. Only it probably isn’t her, the woman in the sex tape doesn’t even look like her, and the images are from Media Takeout, a site known for believing in that Illuminati theory where all celebrities are devil worshipers trying to indoctrinate you into satanism or some backwards shit. So yeah, take this all with the biggest grain of salt you can find!

Paparazzi Jean-Claude Elfassi is claiming to have an Adele sex tape. He tried to put the sex tape live this morning. But too many people tried logging onto his site, which is located in France. Once he gets it live, we’ll put up a link for y’all to see … and decide if you believe that’s Adele!!

You know a site is trustworthy when they use the word y’all, and then accuse celebrities of being part of an international devil ring. I hate to break it to you guys, but if you have to refer to your beliefs as a “conspiracy theory”, there’s a decent chance that what you believe in is a lie and you’ve wasted your life trying to prove the dumbest thing ever. But as for the Adele “sex tape”, I’m calling bullshit. No offense, but it could just be some other random fat chick getting railed. Adele may be one of the few big girls in pop culture, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s the only big girl in the world.

Adele