Because occasionally, celebrity stalkers are more “hilariously batshit insane” then “violent and stabby”, a man who’s been harassing Jessica Simpson over what he perceives to be some sort of romantic connection between the two has gone ahead and self-published his own book about how Jessica seduced and banged him, despite the fact that the two of them have never met. According to TMZ:
The 30-page paperback has the catchy title, The True Story of Jessica Ann Simpson’s 22 month long attempt to seduce a married man- her very Active Super Secret Sex life: True Story Jessica Simpson Seduction of A Married Man (Volume 1) … and sells on Amazon.com for $29.99. According to our sources, Burchell had puppies sent to her home when her beloved Daisy went missing and once got a hold of Jess’ phone number. His calls and texts forced her to eventually change it.
We contacted Burchell … and part of his 1,732 word response was, “This book was not written to hurt her, but was written as my only way to heal emotionally from the severe trauma and pain she put me through by her heartless cruel treatment of me.” Burchell also wants to challenge Jess’ fiance Eric Johnson to a marathon — winner gets to marry Jessica.
Struggling authors, take note: if you’re stuck on a writer’s block, or you’re convinced that you’re not a good enough writer to finish a novel, take comfort in knowing that a guy who thinks that a marathon can lead to a binding marital contract wrote and published a book that is currently being talked about on TMZ. And if that doesn’t do it for you, Tucker Max wrote a book that was subsequently adapted into a movie, and I’m pretty sure he’s a date rapist with fetal alcohol syndrome.